Write Me No Sonnets
by Martin III
Summary: A series of short romantic comedies from throughout Pad and Melody's relationship, occasionally with angst for flavor. Tale #10: Melody has decided to leave the adventuring party forever. But Pad has a few objections to that, And so, the chase is on.
1. Prologue: Seeing

Love is blind, some say. But others say that only love takes away our blindness.

Pad would certainly agree that this was true of his experience with Melody. He could never see her until he fell in love with her. All he saw was a weird girl with a selfish, belligerent personality and the worst taste in clothing imaginable. The ridiculously broad rim of her hat seemed to symbolize how far her mind was from anyone but herself. He looked at her and saw a redneck freak, nothing more.

It was when the elder was murdered that Pad's eyes were opened. Such incongruity was not unusual in his dealings with Melody. Seeing her reaction to the elder's death, Pad was almost overcome. She was so warm. So compassionate. So strong and full of spirit.

So totally badass.

Even had Pad missed the rest of it, the way she made Hartmann run off with his tail between his legs all by herself would have caught his attention. And he wasn't sure whether it was that kickass spell she slammed him with or the angry look in her eyes that had Hartmann shitting his trousers. That look would have sent anyone with a brain in their head running for the hills.

That was when he fell in love with her. Basically. He wasn't actually in love yet, but he _was_ falling, so it was only a matter of time before he reached love. And not all that much time, either.

At any rate, from that moment on Pad was no longer blind, at least not to Melody. He could see now that however rude she might be, Melody had one of the biggest hearts of anyone he knew. He could see her incredible bravery. He could see her sparkling eyes, so full of life. He could see her soft smooth skin, her long legs, the dainty way she clasped her hands.

He could see that she wasn't just a redneck freak, but a beautiful girl who had had to make her own way through life.

Mind you, he didn't like everything he saw. In fact, as time went on, he saw enough that he didn't like for his brain to build quite a convincing case that Melody was no good for him.

The trouble was, Pad's heart cared that she was no good for him about as much as his taste buds cared that chocolate was no good for him.

* * *

><p>Author's Notes:<p>

Thanks for reading this far. As of the writing of these notes, I have well-developed ideas for four different stories about Melody and Pad, so if this fic has less than five chapters(prologue plus four stories), rest assured, more is on the way! Otherwise, feel free to drop me a line to inquire.

So far as my research has been able to determine, this is the first Nostalgia fanfic. If you know of another, please let me know so that I can read it!

As always, both praise and criticism are appreciated, so post those reviews. Incidentally, the milieu and all characters of this fanfic are property of Tecmo and Red Entertainment. Since this fanfic comes to you free, why not spend the money you've saved on one of their games? Consider that my disclaimer. :)


	2. Tale Number One: The First Time

- Tale Number One: The First Time -

After the Royal Exploration Agency pulled their fat out of the fire, the "adventuring party"(as Eddie liked to call it) retired to the Brown mansion to rest.

At least, that was the idea. Pad couldn't rest. After talking a bit with Eddie, he found himself pacing around one of the mansion's half dozen living rooms, running the battle with the Ancient Father's Cabal over and over in his head.

Three things in particular dogged his mind: the fate of Scarlett and Astell, the suspicious appearance of the Royal Exploration Agency, and his failure to save Melody. He'd tried with all his might to pull her to safety, he really had, but he wasn't strong enough. Much as he hated to admit it, if the Royal Exploration Agency hadn't showed up when they did, Melody would have fallen to her death. That really bugged him. Scarlett and Astell was bad enough, but they'd run off on their own, so as worried about them as he was, he knew that whatever had happened to them wasn't his fault. But Eddie and Melody were his partners; he was supposed to watch out for them. What kind of adventurer couldn't even pull someone back from a precipitous drop?

On top of it all, it had to be the Royal Exploration Agency which had saved them. It wouldn't have been so bad if Eddie or his dad had had to rescue him and Melody, but now they owed their lives to these shady organizational types. Pad didn't like that one bit.

The sound of the door opening interrupted his thoughts, and speak of the devil, there she waltzed in, her broad hat barely fitting through the doorway.

"There you are," she said primly, stepping forward to thrust her proud jaw at his face. "Now listen up, loudmouth! If you ever make a crack about my weight again -"

"Again?" he echoed, nervously backing away from her and scratching his head.

"'You're too _heavy_...'" Melody mimicked, in a tone of voice not at all like the one he'd said those words in. "That sound familiar, meathead?"

"I wasn't trying to say anything about your weight," he protested. "I was just scared for y-"

"Skip it!" she snapped, strutting forward to close the distance between them. One hand was on her hip, while the other emphasized her points by jabbing her index finger in his face. "I know what you meant, so don't try to weasel your way out of this! I'm not even going to ask for an apology, because dragging one out of an insensitive creep like you wouldn't be worth the trouble. But if -"

"Hey, back off!" He shoved her away from him. "I saved your ungrateful skin, in case ya hadn't noticed! You'd have slipped right off of that edge if I hadn't grabbed ya and held on. You almost died, and it all coulda been avoided if you hadn't been so careless and grabbed onto something like I did!"

"Oh, so I'm supposed to be grateful?" she returned, folding her arms. "Saving each other is something friends are _supposed_ to do for each other!"

"So we're friends now?"

"Yeah, except you're not being much of a friend right now, jerk!"

"I was just sayin' you should be more careful 'cause I don't want to lose you, ya thickheaded bimbo!"

"You... illiterate thug!"

"Fruitcake!"

"Rat's spawn!"

"Tart!"

Melody raised an eyebrow. "Tart? What the heck does that mean?"

"It..." Pad fumbled. "Well, it means you're spoiled rotten and just take it for granted when someone tries to be nice to ya."

There was an awkward pause. They'd gotten so caught up in their argument that they had come within a hair's breadth of each other without realizing it. Their noses were almost touching, and the brim of Melody's hat was sitting on Pad's head, as though sheltering the two of them from prying eyes. The two of them took in these facts together in silence, their hearts pounding not just from the intensity of their argument, but from fear of what would happen next.

"Loudmouth," Melody said weakly.

It was a rather ironic choice of insult, since Pad would say nothing at all for the next several minutes.

* * *

><p>Eddie was spending some of his rest time with a walk in the garden. He enjoyed the lush variety of blooms, the soothing quiet, the calming scents. It was good to have a place like this to come back to in between adventures. It gave him a feeling of comfort and peace, and cleansed his palette so that when the next adventure came along, he would enjoy it all the more.<p>

Passing by the back of the mansion, something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. Through one of the windows he saw what looked like two heads, but they were moving in a decidedly strange fashion. And while Eddie was fairly certain that one of the two heads was Pad's, he didn't recognize the other person at all.

Curiosity aroused, Eddie pushed his way through the bushes adjoining the mansion. The window was rather high - at least by Eddie's admittedly low standards - so from this angle, he couldn't see inside at all. The wall didn't have any substantial flaws, so Eddie had to balance himself on the heaviest branches of the adjoining bushes in order to get the height boost needed to grab the window sill. This accomplished, the minimal purchase his feet could get on the wall was all the additional boost he needed to pull himself up to the window pane. What he saw inside, however, nearly made him drop back to the ground.

It was Pad and Melody. Eddie struggled to figure out what they were doing. _Are they... making out?_

It certainly looked that way. They were on the couch, Melody with her back against the arm pillow, and their mouths were locked together in an apparent struggle to get a death grip on the other. He saw immediately why he hadn't been able to recognize Melody; her witch's hat, which had never before left her head to the best of Eddie's knowledge, lay discarded and forgotten on the floor beside Pad's jacket.

They had their eyes serenely closed, locked together in an embrace that seemed as though it would never end. At one point they stopped for air, but after just a few moments of panting and staring into each other's eyes, they were at it again with just as much intensity as before. It was like they couldn't get enough of each other. Pad was running one hand up and down Melody's back, and cupping her face with the other. Melody had her arms wrapped around Pad's neck, her left hand gripping his hair so tightly that it looked like she was trying to yank it out.

Eddie gawked at the two of them in astonishment for a minute, but he did respect his friends' privacy, and besides, he really didn't want to see _that_. So he lowered himself to the ground, taking care to land quietly, and scampered away.

* * *

><p>Pad came up for air again, and found himself admiring Melody's face. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair even more disheveled than usual, but she looked all the more beautiful that way, those brown strands adorning her face in a lovely mess. As always, her eyes sparkled with warmth.<p>

He moved in to kiss her again, but this time, he was greeted with a hard slap across his face.

"Ow!" He rubbed his jaw ruefully.

"Jeepers creepers, don't you know when to stop?" she demanded, brows knit in an angry expression that was most becoming.

"It's not my fault yer so irresistible," he protested as she climbed off the couch.

"Don't try to sweet talk me. I'm homely and we both know it." She went to the mirror and started fussing with her hair.

"I wasn't sweet talking you. I was just -"

"Shut up!" He noticed that her hands were moving awful frantically in their misguided attempted to straighten her hair. "You're going to be the one to tell Eddie, got that? It's his dad we're out to find, so he should know if there's romantic tension between two members of his adventuring party. And you'd really better stop making wisecracks about me, because I won't hesitate to put you in the doghouse. The elder always said, if you like a girl you've got to treat her right. So -"

"Geez, calm down," Pad cut in. "There's nothin' to get so excited about. I've made out with lots of girls before; it doesn't mean anything. And stop trying to fix your hair; it looks fine."

Melody turned to glare at him. "'It doesn't mean anything'? So you just assumed that it wouldn't mean anything to me, either?"

Pad scratched the back of his head. "Uh... so this was more to you than just having fun?"

"Of course not!" she fumed. "I don't have feelings for you at all! But you should have considered that I might! Didn't it occur to you that you could hurt some poor girl's feelings by leading her on like that!" She practically had smoke shooting out of her ears by now. "Or are you really that thoughtless and insensitive?"

Pad held his hands up. "Well, none of the other girls I've been with got upset like this..."

She slapped his face again.

"Geez louise, you really slap hard, ya know that?" he said, rubbing his stinging cheek. It felt like he'd walked into a running airship propeller.

"That's for giving no consideration to women's feelings," she huffed. She snatched her hat off of the floor, stuffed it back on her head, and marched out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

He stared after her. _Dammit. Maybe I shouldn't have said that about it not meaning anything. But she sounded so frantic and upset about us making out, I hadda say something to get her to calm down. And if I told her the truth - that she's the only girl I've ever kissed - she'd think I'm a total loser. Besides, she doesn't feel that way about me, or she wouldn't have slapped me like that just for kissing her._

_ So why do I feel like such a heel?_

* * *

><p>Eddie wandered around towards the front of the mansion in a daze. He was weirded out by what he'd seen on more than one level. First of all, he'd never even seen anyone making out before. Sure, his parents had open-mouthed kisses every now and then, but never anything as intense and, well, raunchy as what Pad and Melody were doing. Eddie had never seen passion like that before, and frankly, it scared him.<p>

On top of that, there was the weirdness of the simple fact that it was Pad and Melody doing it. From everything he'd seen up till then, those two could hardly stand each other. And Eddie would know; half his job as leader of their adventuring party was keeping them from tearing each other apart. How did they go so quickly from mutual antagonism to mutual infatuation?

_Maybe they've been pretending to fight, to keep people from finding out about them? No, that can't be. Melody MIGHT be that duplicitous, but I doubt it, and Pad? No way. So how in the world did their feelings change so drastically?_

As he came around to the front door, Melody popped out and did a little sprint down the steps. She looked rather distracted for a moment, but then she saw him and smiled. "Oh, hi, Eddie! I was just getting some air."

"Er, hi, Melody." It was hard not to stare, knowing that that same face had just a minute ago been cleaning Pad's gums. "I was just, um, going to ask Pad something. Have you seen him around?"

Her smile dissolved into an angry scowl. "I don't want to see, hear, or otherwise spend a minute with that insensitive louse! He's inside somewhere, probably getting his dirty fingers all over your stuff."

"Uh..."

"Look, I know he's your friend, but I can't wait until this adventure is over and I never have to see that creep again."

"But... but you two were just..."

Melody arched an eyebrow. "We were just what?" she demanded.

_Did I imagine it?_ "Um... nothing."

"Hmmph." Melody folded her arms and walked by him. "If he asks about me, tell him I said to drop dead."

Eddie watched her go for a minute, then turned and went inside, closing the door behind him.

_What in the world is going on? She's never been on good terms with Pad, but now that I think about it, they've always sort of tolerated each other. They were always arguing, but it __was like they didn't mind the arguing. I never thought I'd hear Melody say she can't stand to be around him... and right after she was... well, doing something with Pad that I'd rather not think about._

He could only find one answer to all of this: Love was very, very weird, and completely unlike other well-respected sentiments such as compassion, sincerity, and etiquette.

With this new knowledge in hand, Eddie concluded that he'd better make sure that he didn't wind up in love himself. Fortunately, despite his being an adventurer, he only had a couple romantic prospects to worry about. One of them was close at hand, so he went into the mansion in search of Fiona.

He found her still standing by the balcony. "Hi, Fiona," he called.

She smiled - not too radiantly, to Eddie's relief - and answered, "Hi, Eddie."

"Listen, can I ask you a question? It's... it's sort of like a hypothetical question, only it's not hypothetical; I don't know what it's called." She just nodded. "You know how I saved you from the Ancient Father's Cabal?"

"It _was_ very heroic of you, and not something I'd easily forget."

"Um, yeah. But that doesn't mean the two of us have to fall in love with each other, does it?"

"Well, of course not," she smiled. "That's just a storybook cliche."

"Exactly!" Eddie said, with an emphatic nod of agreement. It really was great that he and Fiona always seemed to be on the same wavelength. He didn't think he'd ever been so happy to find she agreed with him.

"But that doesn't mean we shouldn't fall in love if the urge hits us."

Eddie's eyes grew as big as the buttons on his waistcoat. "Wh-what?"

"After all, we do have so much in common," Fiona pointed out. "We're both pretty soft-spoken and have a strong belief in justice. We both enjoy adventuring, long walks on the beach, and making new friends."

"Wait a second! I don't like _long_ walks on the beach. Ten minutes is good enough for me!"

She shrugged. "Well, close enough. I think we have enough in common to be compatible in anyone's book. If you want to ask me to accompany you to a ball or some such event, I'd be -"

"N-no!" Eddie yelped, taking three long steps backwards. "I mean, I know how it looks, but I'm really not you're type. You like puppies, right? Well, I kicked a puppy the other day when you weren't looking! ...A-anyway, I have to go now! Bye!"

As Eddie ran off, Fiona stared after his retreating figure in perplexity. She had expected him to be a bit embarrassed by her teasing, maybe even blush a little, but to react with what could only be called panic and fear? What sort of sense did that make? She could only find one answer to his bizarre behavior.

"Englishmen are very, very weird," she sighed.


	3. Tale Number Two: Don't Talk to Me

- Tale Number Two: Don't Talk to Me -

Though he certainly wouldn't admit it to anyone, not even himself, Pad rather liked Melody's slaps. Sure, they hurt like hell, but by the same token, through them he felt just how much spirit and spunk she had. And that was one of the things he liked most about her. She was more full of life than anyone he'd ever known.

What he didn't like was her keeping her pain bottled up inside. Seeing her suffer and not being able to do anything about it frustrated him like nothing else. It cut right into his heart.

"If she's got that much energy, I'm sure she's just fine!" Carlos had said. God, how he'd wanted to punch that scuzzy sleazebag right in the jaw.

_Even I can see that she's about as far from "fine" as you can get! Melody talks tough, but emotionally, she's as fragile as they come. I'm not sure why what that creep Hartmann said upset her so much - maybe because she thinks it's her fault that her ma died - but whatever it is, I have a feeling it's the sort of thing that could change her forever, and not for the better. She'll just bury that hurt in her heart and let it eat a little hole in there, if someone doesn't stop her._

"Pad?" I was Fiona, approaching him with an uncertain look on her face, hands clasping and unclasping. "May I talk to you for a minute?"

"No one's stoppin' ya," he grunted. He didn't move from his position, which was leaning against the wall of the lower deck, arms folded.

"I don't like to pry," she began, her tone very careful. "But I care about you and Melody and, well, I was wondering what you did to make her slap you like that."

"What makes you think _I_ did somethin'?"

"Well, usually when one person hits another, there's a reason. And when I asked Melody about it, she just told me to ask you. I assumed that meant -"

"I didn't do anything!" he snapped, getting up from the wall, fists clenched. "Okay, you want to know what I did? I asked her what was wrong, so that maybe I could help. And she slapped me! That girl is crazy, and that's all there is to it."

"Oh. Well." Fiona laid her hands on the front of her skirt, one over the other. "Melody is a proud person. Maybe she thought you were prying into the matter just to make fun of her... after all, you rarely have anything nice to say to her when she's in a good mood."

"That ain't it," Pad returned. "I told her I wanted to help, and besides, if she didn't want to tell me, she could have just said so. She didn't have to slap me." He rubbed his cheek. It still stung. "I mean, I guess I wasn't taking no for an answer, but come on! Is that any way to treat someone when they're tryin' to be nice to ya? I wish I had someone who would talk to me like that when I was feeling down."

"You... care about her, don't you?"

"Of course I do!" Fiona gaped, apparently startled that he admitted it so quickly. "Why else would I be tryin' to talk to her when she's feeling so sad? And really, I don't mind that she doesn't feel the same about me. I just wish she'd open up for once!"

"Well... She may be doing -"

"No, you know what? Screw her," he said, folding his arms and leaning back against the wall. "I go out of my way to try to help her, and what do I get for it? Slapped in the face like I was sexually harassing her! I don't need that - I don't deserve that. If she doesn't want my help, then fine! From now on, she's on her own."

There was a minute of silence. Fiona finally found something to say, and opened her mouth to speak.

Then a worried look fell over Pad's face and he pushed himself away from the wall. "I'd better go try talkin' to her again. She's probably feelin' really bad now that she's had time to brood."

"But Pad -" Fiona began.

"I know, I know, it's a waste of time talkin' to that nutcase, but someone's gotta at least try, right?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you," she said. "She's already having a talk with Eddie about it." Pad froze, but he didn't say anything. "After she had calmed down a bit, she went to Eddie's cabin to get some of her feelings about her mother off her chest. I was stopping by to ask Eddie where we store the spare engine parts, and I overheard. She was a bit shy about it at first, but by the time I left she really seemed -"

"Are you freakin' KIDDING me?" Pad hollered, clenching his head with both hands. "I can't get a meaningful conversation out of that girl with a steel crowbar, but she's giving it out free to anyone else with ears?"

Fiona fidgeted. "Well... that's a bit of an odd way of wording it, but..."

"What did I ever do to her, huh? I've always tried to be nice to her, so why's she hate me so much? That rotten -" He turned and punched the wall with all his strength, then let out a howl of pain and clutched at his throbbing knuckles.

Fiona moved to help him, but he turned away and stormed off. "That is it!" he snapped. "I'm done! I'm not being a lousy chump for her anymore! If she doesn't want me to be there for her, then fine! I won't be there."

She stared after him. "Oh, my."

It seemed such a shame. Before the incident with Hartmann, Fiona had really thought the two of them made a nice couple. If only there were something she could do. But of course, Melody's mind was her own. Poor Pad.

Fiona's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps. Looking up, she saw Melody approaching. "Hey, Fiona," she said. "I thought I heard Pad yelling about something."

"Oh, yes. He was very upset that you wouldn't talk to him about what was bothering you."

"Was he?" Melody's tone and countenance was one of cool lack of concern, but there was a faint raised note in her voice that Fiona managed to take note of. "Maybe if he wasn't so pushy and condescending, I would have. I don't know how Pad manages to find so many girlfriends when he's so bad at relating to other people." She gave an exasperated sigh. "Eddie, now, there's a guy you can talk to. I'd sure like to have him for a boyfriend."

"Really?" Fiona said, surprised.

"No, not really," Melody laughed. "You're so gullible, Fiona! No, really, Eddie's very cute, but he's too mild-mannered. I'd want a guy who has a bit of a roguish side. That is, if I had any hope of getting a boyfriend."

"Why, what do you mean?"

Melody gave her a look that suggested that Fiona had just made a very lame attempt to pull one over on her. "I'm not stupid, Fiona. I know I have the kind of personality that drives guys away in droves. The only reason a guy would even _talk_ to me, much less date me, is if he wanted something."

"That's not true! Eddie and Pad -"

"Wanted me to fix their airship for them," she pointed out, "...and now they're my friends. Well, Eddie is, anyway. So, did Pad try prying you for information?"

She shook her head. "He's not like that, Melody. He respects your privacy; he just wanted to help."

"Well, if you talk to him again, you can tell him that I don't need any help. Especially not from an insensitive creep like him."

She made to leave, but Fiona said, "What did you mean about Pad finding so many girlfriends? The whole time I've been with you all, I've never noticed him show an interest in other girls."

"Obviously, he's been too busy with our fight against the Cabal to have time for girls. I just know that he's a skank because he bragged to me about it."

"Oh. I see. ...Well, I'd better head up to the deck so I don't miss the view of the mountains."

Fiona went to the ladder, which was just down the hall, and began climbing. As she went up, she heard Melody say, "Hey, wait a minute... What did you mean by '_other_ girls'?"

But she pretended not to hear. _Let her figure it out on her own._


	4. Tale Number Three: Midnight Comfort

- Tale Number Three: Midnight Comfort -

"Oh, how wonderful!" the man in the safari hat and rubber trousers exclaimed when he saw the four youngsters push through the door of the tavern, lugging a cloth sack the size of a large stove between them. "You've managed to recapture our West Indian Slug!"

"Well, that's what you hired the Adventurer's Association for," Eddie said, obviously taking more pride in the association than in his own contribution to the assignment's successful completion.

"Though I can't see what you'd want with such a big gross thing, especially alive," Melody put in. "I mean, it's not like you can hitch it to a plow, it doesn't have any fleece, and you sure can't milk it!"

"The zoo doesn't select animals for their utility," the man explained. "We want to be able to show off all the strangest and most amazing creatures in the world. People will feel their 25 gold is more than well-spent when they can view the greatest of animal wonders without having to make a voyage all over the world."

"If you say so." She cocked an eye at their cargo. "I can't imagine anyone buying tickets to see _that_."

"Yeah, it's hard to believe, isn't it?" Pad said. "I guess some people are as fascinated by ugly things as pretty things."

"I say," the zookeeper said, noticing the lack of movement from the sack. "It _is_ still alive, isn't it?"

"Oh, yeah," Melody assured him. "I've been keeping him on sleep spells. I put a fresh one on just before we got here, so he should be out for a few more hours."

"Good, good. And I see you used this massive cloth to capture him without having to touch his acidic secretions."

"That stuff's potent, all right," Eddie said, holding out his hands to show the rosy blotches on his palms and fingers. "Just a little trickle leaked out when we were wrapping the cloth around him, and my hands have been itching like crazy since."

"He mentioned for the tenth time," Pad said, rolling his eyes. Eddie blushed.

"Hey!" Melody's brows narrowed in outrage. "I bet you'd be complaining just as much if your hands were itching all the time! Which they _would_ be, if you'd tackled the slug head-on like Eddie, instead of slinking around like a coward!"

"Whaaaaat?" Pad gaped at her. "I was right in there with the rest of ya! And it ain't like you and Fiona got rashes, either. Just 'cause I wasn't careless -"

"How _dare_ you accuse E-"

"Excuse me, could you two not fight in front of our client?" Fiona interjected.

"Besides, Pad's right," Eddie said. "It was my own fault."

"Well, then," the zookeeper said. "I don't suppose I could trouble the four of you with loading the slug onto my cart?"

"No trouble at all! Just pull it up to the tavern for us!"

It was hard work lifting the heavy slug, but in just a few minutes the job was done. In the process some of the cloth slid off the animal, but the zookeeper said this was no problem, and took out some rope to lash the slug to the cart.

"Say," Melody said, her face brightening with inspiration. "If you don't need that cloth to hold him anymore, do you mind if we hang onto it?"

"Uh, Melody," Pad grimaced. "You do realize it's got that thing's slime all over it now, don't you?"

"Exactly. It'll make the perfect weapon! Maybe if one of the Ancient Father's Cabal guys shows up when we're getting the next tablet, we can throw it over him!"

"You're a total sadist, ya know that?"

"Still, she has a point," Eddie said. "It could be a handy thing to hold onto. That is, if you don't mind, sir."

"Of course not," the zookeeper said. "Help yourselves."

They took it off, and the man drove away on his horse-and-cart, calling a reminder to pick up their reward.

"As if we would forget something as important as 2,000 gold," Melody snorted, and handed the thick cloth over to Pad. "Here, carry this."

"What? But you're the one who wanted to hang onto it!"

Melody ignored him, quickening her pace to come up alongside Eddie. "Let me take a look at those rashes, Eddie," she said, taking his right hand in both of hers. "Ooo, those much be pretty itchy, huh? You know, I know how to make this ointment for rashes. It'll make them go away faster..."

"Unbelievable," Pad growled. "I get my leg sliced open by one of those Cabal dirtbags and no one gives a damn. But Eddie just picks up a little rash, and he's got hot chicks fawning over him!"

"Well," Fiona coughed, "You have noticed, haven't you, that Melody didn't pay Eddie any attention the first several times he complained about the rashes? It's only when you poked fun at him that she started her 'fawning'."

"Oh, so it's all _my_ fault?"

"No, I'm just pointing out that it's you she's really paying attention to, not Eddie."

"Great," he scoffed. "Now if only I could get her interested in the 'Pad's a nice sort of guy' way instead of the 'Pad's like a gross bug that I can torture without feeling guilty' way."

Fiona decided to try with Melody instead. She took a series of quick strides to catch up with her and Eddie, who was perceptibly squirming under her attentions.

"Do you think some light physical therapy might help?" Melody said loudly. "I'm very good at hand massages."

Fiona grabbed her by the arm and said in a much lower voice, "Melody, you're killing Pad."

"Good. He deserves to die."

"You can't mean that. What's he done to make you so angry?"

"Well, just to pick the most recent thing, there's his hitting on you."

Fiona's jaw dropped. "What?"

"I mean, no offense, but you're more than a bit on the naive side. It's not that you're not smart, but you're so innocent. Any guy who would make advances on you with no provocation is a total scumbag."

Fiona was flabbergasted. "When was Pad hitting on me?"

Melody arched an eyebrow. "Um, you're the one who told me he was."

"I said no such thing!"

"You did. You said, 'I've never noticed him show an interest in _other_ girls.' You think I can't pick up on something like that?"

This was too much. "I meant he's been showing interest in you," she said in a loud whisper, cupping a hand around Melody's ear.

"Oh." Melody was visibly deflated of her anger, but she wasn't done yet. "Well, there's a thousand other things I'm mad at him for. And by the way, you're wrong about him being interested in me. Think about it. When's he ever done anything to show he cares about me at all?"

"You mean, like carrying around a huge slime-drenched rag for you, when you didn't even ask him nicely?"

"Well... that's..."

"Or taking the blame when you burned down half of that hotel room in Rio de Janeiro?"

"That _was_ his fault! He made me angry!"

"Or trying to comfort you when you found out your mother was murdered?"

"He was pretty rude about it..."

"Or -"

"Look!" Melody snapped. "He told me himself that he doesn't care about me, okay?"

"When?"

"Right after we finished making out!"

Fiona's eyes almost popped out of her head.

Melody blanched as she realized what she'd just said. "Um, ha ha? Jeez, I was only joking, Fiona. Don't take everything so seriously." She increased her stride, quickly leaving Fiona behind. "Hey Pad! Hurry up with that slug cloak, you slug!"

"Yeah, yeah," Pad muttered. "Ya think I'm your slave or somethin'?" But he did hurry, if only to prove he wasn't a slug.

Fiona stared after the two of them. "Why is everyone in this party so weird about love?"

* * *

><p>Fiona took the first watch that night as they set the airship towards their next objective, in Japan. As always, the boys were gentlemanly enough to volunteer for the two middle watches, so once her watch was up, Fiona left the cockpit and woke Pad for his turn.<p>

The airship only had one proper bedroom, the captain's cabin, and they had all agreed that that should go to Fiona. Pad's chosen resting place was a hammock strung between two pipes on the lower deck. Once Fiona had left, he stretched, rolled out of the hammock, and pulled some clothes on. He threw on his jacket, too; it was a cold night.

He headed down the hall and up the ladder. The truth was, he kind of liked these nighttime watches. He enjoyed having a few hours of solitude and quiet, his hands on the throttle and steering wheel, sailing the ship through the darkness under the faint guiding light of the stars.

To light his way to the cockpit, he carried the small lantern which Fiona had turned over to him. As he walked, its light fell upon a quaking figure.

It was Melody. Apparently she'd figured herself tough enough to sleep under the stars with one of the upper deck's storage chests as her bed. The bed sheet she had wrapped around herself wasn't enough to protect her from the combined chill of nighttime and high altitude, however. She was shivering convulsively, and her teeth were chattering a little.

Pad's first instinct was to take off his jacket and put it over her, but he quickly realized that if he did that, Melody would know he was responsible. She'd already been treating him like her pack mule the past few days; if he was caught making such a chivalrous gesture, she'd get twice as bad. Besides, it was bound to be fairly cool even in the cockpit, so he'd definitely miss the jacket.

As he stood there in his momentary indecision, a strong gust of wind blew across the deck, extinguishing his lantern. "Dammit," he muttered, though he knew he could re-light the lantern in the cockpit, and he didn't really need the extra light to find his way there. It felt like this was just one more way for Melody to frustrate him, even in her sleep.

_Well, I know there's a blanket somewhere in one of these storage chests._ He opened one up and dug around inside until his hand encountered something big and soft. He pulled the blanket out and, careful so as not to wake her, wrapped it around Melody's shivering body.

The light from the moon, while not bright enough for Pad to see most of what was around him very clearly, reflected off Melody's pale skin quite brightly. With his face just inches from hers, he could see the brown curls of her hair, the warm texture of her mouth, her hand pressing into her soft cheek, her eyelids sealed in uninterrupted repose. The temptation to run a hand through her hair was hard to resist.

Pad realized, then, that the way Melody treated him didn't really affect him. That one bad aspect of her personality didn't change the fact that she was a beautiful person, inside and out. There was a goodness, a passion within her that could never change. And that meant he would never stop caring about her. No matter what happened, however far apart from each other they became, however divided by distance or competing relationships, he'd still do anything for her.

Within reason, of course. It wasn't like Pad was totally amoral or crazy.

Melody's shivering was already beginning to subside, so Pad made his way to the cockpit. He re-lit his lantern, took the lock off the steering wheel, and settled into his watch.

He decided he'd do a double shift, and not wake Eddie until it was time for the last watch. He was feeling pretty invigorated, so he probably wouldn't be ready to go back to sleep by the time of Eddie's originally scheduled watch.

Besides, some extra sleep might make Melody feel better.

* * *

><p>Pad was woken the next morning by a high-pitched screech. Fearing an attack by Cabal goons, he fell out of his hammock, grabbed his gun, and raced to the upper deck.<p>

At least, that was how he preferred to remember it. In reality, the first of those three steps was accompanied his right foot becoming entangled in the ropes of the hammock. He then spent a full minute squirming on the floor and struggling to free himself. And then, finally, he grabbed his gun and raced to the upper deck.

That little clarification is important because it explains why, for all Pad's haste, Eddie and Fiona reached Melody's bedside before him. Both of them were trying their best to calm Melody, who was screaming hysterically. Even from a few hundred yards away, Pad could see why. He stared in horror.

Melody's normally smooth white skin was as red as a radish, her face, hands, arms, and even ears covered in the most intense rashes he had ever seen. In places it was so bad that the skin had bubbled up into itchy lumps, like small boils. Deeper red lines along her arms showed that she had been unable to resist scratching at them. She looked more like a stereotypical old hag of a witch than herself.

And there, on the floor beside her, was the obvious cause: the cloth sheet they'd used to capture the enormous slug. It dawned on Pad that the big, soft thing he'd pulled out of the storage chest the night before was _not_ a blanket.

"Somebody put it over me while I was asleep!" Melody was shrieking in outrage. "I must've been all wrapped up in that nasty thing half the night!"

"But who would do such a thing?" Fiona said, aghast.

"Well, an enemy wouldn't have," she said, managing a temporary calm. "They'd have just killed me. And there's only one person in our crew who's a big enough louse to pull a prank this low down and mean..."

She turned to glare directly at Pad. Her eyes were thoroughly bloodshot, and probably not just from the slug's slime running over her lids. Pad gulped.

"Pad!" Eddie exclaimed, looking at him with outraged astonishment. "Is that why you wanted to skip Melody's watch tonight? So that she'd get more exposure to that awful slime?"

"I... I..." he stammered, still staring in horror at the unsightly state he'd unwittingly brought Melody to, and at the murderous look in her eye.

"Yaaaaaaarrrrrrggghh!" she bellowed, snatching up her wand and running at him, wrathful magic crackling all around her. "I'll kill you, you lousy piece of crap!"

Pad turned and ran for dear life.

* * *

><p>"Let me give you some advice," Evans told Pad, smiling at him uncertainly. "If you want a young lady's attention, practical jokes are not the best way to go about getting it." He paused, then added, "Certainly not the least painful."<p>

"Shut up," Pad muttered as Fiona tended to the magical burns which covered his arms and torso.


	5. Tale Number Four: Jealousy

Author's notes: Though I came up with the ideas for Tales Number Four and Five independently of each other, when I set down to write them I realized it made sense to have the one take place immediately after the other. So if you like, Tales Four and Five can be viewed as a two-parter.

- Tale Number Four: Jealousy -

"Alright!" Pad exclaimed, stretching his limbs as he stepped onto Kiev's airship dock. "Finally, some good R&R!"

"Which in your case usually stands for rudeness and randiness," Melody said drily. "It figures that you enjoy lazing around more than a cat."

"Yeah? Well, for you it stands for ranting and recklessness!" he shot back. "Why do ya have to pretend yer so tough, anyway, when ya need the rest more than any of us? Anyone can tell yer dainty limbs were about to collapse without a break!"

"Dainty?" She clenched both her fists. "Dainty!"

"He obviously meant it as a compliment, Melody," Fiona said, handing the luggage down to Eddie piece by piece. "Would you mind -"

"I can carry just as much weight as you, mister!" Melody spat, shaking her fist in his face. "So don't you _dare_ call me dainty!"

"Take it easy," Pad said, looking down at her with worry. "If ya don't settle down, you're gonna pass out from pushin' yourself too hard."

"You... you... Ooo!" She turned and stormed off. "I'll meet you all at the inn!"

Pad shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "What'd I say? Is it so bad to be worried about someone? Anyone could see her face was all flushed."

"Just help us with the bags, Pad," Fiona sighed. Sometimes Pad could be every bit as clueless as Melody was testy. "And try not to worry about her so much. Remember, this is supposed to be a vacation."

"Yeah, maybe you're right..." He walked back to the luggage and snatched up four of the seven bags, unwittingly jerking one of them right out of Eddie's hand. He hefted them up without much effort and began walking towards the inn.

Eddie and Fiona followed, flanking Pad on each side, while Fiona giggled in his direction. "Melody's not around, so who are you showing off for?"

"Huh?" Pad looked around and noticed for the first time that he was carrying the lion's share of the baggage. "Oh. Nah, this isn't too heavy. I've carried way bigger loads than this. Anyway, this looks like a pretty good spot for a vacation, doesn't it? Nice and quiet."

"I don't know," Eddie said. "It's nice to take a break from adventuring and fighting the Ancient Father's Cabal, but I like to spend my vacations somewhere with a bit more color and excitement."

"Aw, I'm sure there's some of that around here, too. Ya just gotta know where to look!"

"Personally, peace and quiet sounds just wonderful to me," Fiona said. "It's nice to get away from all the fighting and danger for a while."

"Yeah!" Pad opened the front door to the inn with his knee.

* * *

><p>After signing in to the inn and leaving their luggage, the party set out in search of a place to have lunch. Walking up the street, they came at length to a sign with a grinning boar on it that read "The Dancing Fire".<p>

As they stepped inside, a collective breath seemed to go through the establishment. Over half the eyes in the room were staring at them with rapt interest.

Pad shrugged. "Guess they don't see a lot of tourists around here."

They picked a spacious round table and sat down at it, with Eddie to Fiona's right, then Pad, and then Melody on her left. The same set of eyes followed them as they took their seats.

"I don't think that's it," Fiona remarked. "Most of the ones watching us are women."

"Probably gawking at Melody's tacky clothes," Pad suggested. "Most women have sharper fashion sense than guys."

"Ha ha," Melody said. "Or maybe they're staring in disbelief at your -"

"W-welcome to The Dancing Fire!" a jittery blonde in a black-and-white dress with a cut that stopped just short of showing any cleavage interrupted. The party's attention turned on her, and she nervously fiddled with the tie at her waistline. "Can I, um, get you all something to drink?"

"I want whatever you have that can't be found anywhere else in the world!" Eddie enthused.

"Yeah, me too!" Melody chimed in.

"W-well, we have our local specialty, field cider. Will that do?"

"Yes, please!"

"Just a grape juice for me, please," Pad said.

"Oh," their waitress said, "I thought a, um, nice strong man like yourself would want something more adventurous."

"Huh?" Melody gaped at her.

"Nah, I get more than enough adventure when I'm _not_ on vacation," Pad said in a bored tone.

"Oh!" the waitress said. "Oh, I should have guessed. You can see in your eyes, a, a fire that -"

"Geez, calm down. Is there something wrong with you?"

She blushed. "I- I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be flirting while I'm at work, and I'm not this dopey most of the time, honest, and..." She trailed off, her face showing her realization that her babbling was not earning her any points with Pad. "...I'll just get your drinks, okay?"

"Pomegranate juice for me, please!" Fiona called after her.

Melody snorted. "Well, that was weird."

"Not really," Pad shrugged. "I've had girls take a tumble at me more than once. I mean, I don't think I've ever seen someone go ga-ga quite like that before, but people can get pretty weird when they're attracted to someone. I'm almost starting ta get used to it."

"Hmmph." She folded her arms. "This better not slow down our service. I'm so hungry I could eat a cow."

"How do you eat so much and stay so skinny, anyway?"

"Hey!" She glared at him. "Are you calling me a pig!"

Pad rolled his eyes. "Forget it."

"So, Melody," Fiona said. "What do you think of Kiev so far?"

"Well..." she mused. "I like how all the buildings are funny-shaped. The streets have too many loose stones, but there's lots of good fresh air. And I haven't tried the food yet, but this place really smells good."

"We'll have to see some of the sights," Eddie offered. "We can ask around today, then go see a few places tomorrow."

"Yeah! I heard someone saying there's this archway on the south side of town, where every couple that walks under it ends up getting married."

Pad snorted. "If you go anywhere near that thing, every guy in sight is gonna run for his life."

"You just say that because all you care about is looks," Melody said, turning her nose up at him. "I'd be a darn good wife, for your information. I can cook, and fix things, and protect the kids from strangers."

"Maybe, but can ya stop acting so nuts that yer husband goes to an early grave?"

Melody was searching for a retort when their waitress reappeared. "Here are your drinks!" she said, taking them off the tray and passing them around. To Pad she said, "Look, I'm sorry about before. It's just that we don't get adventurers around here very often, you know?"

"Oh," Fiona nodded. "That explains it."

"Anyway, that girl over there at the bar," - she pointed to a blonde seated at a stool, who flashed a pair of dazzling green eyes at Pad - "...said to tell you she'd like to, you know, have a drink with you. Let me know if she doesn't look like your type, because there's a whole waiting list for you."

"A waiting list?" Melody echoed, her eyes widening.

"Yeah, there are two other girls who asked me the same thing. And if, by some incredible chance, you aren't interested in any of them..." The waitress slid a small piece of paper across the table to him, her hand trembling. "...th-that's my address. So you can s-stop by when I'm off-duty, if you want."

"What is this, a looney asylum!" Melody exploded, hopping out of her seat so abruptly that her chair crashed to the floor behind her. "If the girls around here like adventurers so much, how come none of 'em are paying any attention to Eddie?"

Eddie scratched the top of his head shyly. "I'm sorry she put it so rudely, but Melody has a point. What about me?"

"You?" The girl looked surprised. "Well, it's just that you don't have that rugged adventurer's looks like he does. But you are pretty cute... I have a friend who might be interested, if you're looking for a date."

"No, that's not what I meant! I just thought it was strange, that's all."

"Suit yourself. Do you all know what you want to eat?"

While the other three ordered, Pad studied the blonde girl at the bar, then turned to look contemplatively at Melody.

She scowled at him. "What are you staring at? And what's the deal with guys getting attention for being adventurers, anyway? Fiona an' I are adventurers too, you know, and I don't see any slices of beefcake trying to pick us up!"

"That's 'cause glamorous stuff like that is what women want," Pad explained. "Us guys, on the other hand, look for personality."

"That is so NOT true! You -"

"Ya know..." he said to their waitress. "I think I will go have a drink with that girl. They say ya can't find the right person if ya don't look, right?" He looked back to the rest of the party. "Is that okay with you guys?"

"Um," Eddie hesitated.

"That's fine with me," Fiona smiled.

"That's _extra_ fine with me!" Melody snapped. "Get out of here! We'll have more fun without you around!"

"Good ta hear it," Pad grinned, and made his way over to the bar.

As soon as the waitress had left to deliver their orders to the kitchen, Eddie said, "I really don't like acting like a parent, but that was incredibly rude, Melody. You had no reason to attack Pad like that, especially not in public."

"I had plenty of reason!" Melody folded her arms. "He's a pig! He thinks he's God's gift to women and that we all should be eating out of his hand! And the bird-brained, skanky-dressed girls in this stupid town are going along with it! I can't believe they're even giving the time of day to that slimeball!" She stood up. "Well, I'll show him he's not the only one who can get a date! There are two other guys sitting at that bar, one for me and one for Fiona. Let's get them to show us a good time!"

Fiona shook her head. "I don't think I should be dating until I get my memories back. Otherwise, the conversation is bound to be awkward. 'So, where are you from?' 'I don't remember.' 'What's your profession?' 'I don't remember.' 'Say, you look familiar. Have we met?' 'I don't remember.' 'Did you learn to be this charming, or were you just born that way?' 'I don't remember.'" She shrugged. "And so on."

"Well, fine. Fine! I'll go on my own!"

Fiona smiled patiently. "You know, Melody, if you want Pad to date you instead of that girl, you might try being nice to him. While you're trying to make him jealous, he's going to be having a good time with that girl at the bar."

"What? Why in the world would I want _Pad_ to date me?"

"Well, then why are you doing this?"

"To show Pad there's one girl in this town who _isn't_ going to be fawning over him!"

"Melody... Calm down and think a moment. Why are you so angry at Pad?"

"What do you mean?" Eddie put in. "She's always angry at Pad."

"No, she's not. They argue a lot, but there's hardly ever any anger behind it. If anything, their arguments just show that they're comfortable enough with each other to say something when they disagree." She looked back to Melody. "So why are you angry at him?"

Melody huffed. "Like I just said -"

"It's not Pad's fault that girls like him," Fiona said. "And you know it. So -"

"You know what? Skip it. I'll meet you guys back at the inn." She turned and stormed off to the bar.

Fiona and Eddie sipped their drinks in silence for a minute.

"Should I go and talk to her?" Eddie offered, in a tone revealing that he was less afraid to face a half dozen Cabal troops by himself.

She shook her head. "I don't think it will do any good. Besides, this may well be for the best. At least now she won't take Pad for granted."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. You know, Eddie, you really should take our waitress's offer. Pad and Melody are both finding romance tonight; there's no reason why you shouldn't, too."

He gave her one of his best loyal puppy dog looks. "But then I'd be leaving you all alone. And with the Ancient Father's Cabal still out there, too."

"I'll be fine. I _can_ look after myself, you know."

"Yes, but..." He shook his head. "I don't want to start dating right now, anyway. I mean, Pad and Melody aren't making it look like much fun."

"Oh, I don't know." She peered over at the bar. "Pad seems to be having an okay time with that girl, anyway."

* * *

><p>"Hey," Pad smiled at the girl.<p>

She smiled up at him. "Hi."

"So," he said as he took the stool next to her, "...did ya invite me, or was I pranked?"

"Funny, I can't imagine anyone pranking you."

"Yeah, I ain't half as smart as I look." He took a gulp of his grape juice. "So, ya gonna give me yer name, or I gotta guess?"

"Alyona." She gave him another winning smile. She really was pretty, he realized. Attired in a snug dress with what Pad guessed to be a silk top, her figure was quite a bit more obvious than Melody's was in those dumpy dresses she always wore. A very nice figure it was, too.

"I'm Pad." He wondered if his smile made anywhere near as big an impression as hers did.

"So, you're an adventurer?"

"Yep. And what do you do?"

"Me?" She giggled. "Oh, I like to paint. Nothing half so exciting as what you do. I'll bet you've already seen half the world!"

"Well... Maybe a quarter." He shrugged his arms. "...Naw, not even that. I only started a few months ago."

"Well, you sure look like you must be good at it." She took a drink of whatever it was she was having, and for a moment Pad couldn't help but stare at the way she tipped it back, the tilt of her nose, the casual bend of her arm, the fluid running past her already moist lips. He managed to shake himself out of it right before she finished, though, a slight blush forming on his face.

"Um... Yeah, I guess ya hafta be good if you're gonna stay alive, right?" He settled into a relaxed smirk; talk about danger never made Pad uncomfortable. This time, it was Alyona who blushed.

* * *

><p>"Hey there," Melody said, putting both hands on a stool and hopping onto it like a toad. The young man she was speaking to started at this approach.<p>

"Um, hi," he said, eying her uncertainly.

Melody looked intently at him, only occasionally blinking. The guy fidgeted and continued to eye her uncertainly.

At last she scowled. "Are you going to buy me a drink, or what?" she demanded.

* * *

><p>"Man, these are good!" Pad gushed, taking another bun and chomping into it, savoring the meat and mushroom filling. "What are they called?"<p>

"Pirozhki," Alyona reminded him, nibbling on her own. "Mmm. We have these all the time around here, but they're just as delicious every time."

"Man," he said between bites. "I'm really gonna haveta come back here!"

* * *

><p>It was now clear to Melody that, for whatever reason, guys don't like it when you demand they buy you a drink. What she needed, she realized, was a good icebreaker line.<p>

She approached the next guy seated at the bar, planted her elbows next to his, and gave him her best approximation of a seductive smile. "You know, I know how to make a potion that will turn anyone who drinks it into a slug."

The guy stared back at her in revulsion.

Melody's smile grew more uncertain. "Um... I can also unhinge all the fingers on my left hand! Watch!"

* * *

><p>"I can't believe you just want to talk about me and my silly paintings," Alyona giggled. "What about you? Have you ever been to Africa?"<p>

"Oh, yeah. Pretty much just Cairo, though. The pyramids are really cool. Except for all the death traps, I mean."

"No big deal for you, right?"

"You kiddin'?" he snorted. "I was scared half to death. Wouldn't do that twice."

She propped her head on her hand. "So, what's so cool about the pyramids?"

"Well, they're just so huge and ordered, like the best mountains in the world, but all made by people. It's awesome." He had another gulp of his drink. "Hey... ya wanna get out of here?"

* * *

><p>"Petruso, huh?" Melody said, immensely pleased to have finally gotten as far as a guy's name. "You know anything about airship mechanics?"<p>

"Um..."

"No, huh? Well then, I can teach you! I just love tinkering with machines! When you first figure out how to do the wiring for a converter, it's the most amazing thing in the world! And then..."

To his credit, Petruso listened to her go on in this manner for a good five minutes before making an excuse and leaving.

"Hey!" she called after him. "Is there something wrong with a girl having an interest in her hobby? Honestly..."

* * *

><p>In the meantime, Pad and Alyona had moved on to a place with music and dancing. Specifically, a native dance whose name Pad was sure he would never be able to remember, or even pronounce.<p>

"I'm really terrible at this," he said to his partner, half in apology and half in complaint.

"Oh, come on!" Alyona replied. "You're a natural! You just need a little more practice! See, you're already getting it!"

"Yeah, right," he muttered. But in truth, he was enjoying himself. It was kind of a cool dance, and he enjoyed watching Alyona do it. Nobody was snickering at him for being a klutz, either.

* * *

><p>"You know, if I wanted to, I could burn this whole place down with just one spell," Melody tried on her next potential date. He leapt and bounded away, leaving not just the chair beside Melody, but The Dancing Fire entirely. "I said <em>"could"<em>! Could! Do you not understand English, or what?"

This was getting increasingly frustrating. She was down to just a couple prospects - unless she started going for the ones who were a decade or more older than her, which she had no intention of doing.

Nothing for it, though. She took a seat at the bar beside her next target, and decided to try keeping things simple. "Hey there," she said, with a forced smile. "Looking for a date?"

The guy took one look at her and snorted a laugh. "Not with you, I'm not."

She arched an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"Look, honey -"

"'Honey'?"

"- my number one rule is, I don't date anyone whose boobs are smaller than her knees. So get lost, capish?"

Flames were practically shooting out of Melody's ears now. "You... you..." She drew her wand, and -

A heavy hand fell upon her shoulder. "Excuse me, miss," said a voice that obviously didn't care whether she excused him or not, and she looked behind her to see a hulking bald-headed figure looming over her. "But you seem to be frightening away this establishment's male clientele. Now, seeing as the owner pays my wages, this is a bit of a problem for me. So are you going to leave, or am I going to throw you out?"

Melody said nothing for a moment. Then: "Well, since I'm getting thrown out anyway, I guess there's no point in holding back." She lifted her wand, swirling it in the air. "Eat thi-"

Three seconds later she was being hauled towards the door, one hand holding her up by the back of her dress, the other wrapped firmly about her wand-wielding arm.

"Hey! Leggo! Did you hear what that pig said to me? You gotta let me -"

"By the way," the aforementioned pig called after her, "...your fanny ain't much to look at either, honey - not even from this perspective."

"Errrrraaaaaaghhhhh!" she bellowed. "Just let me kick him in the nads! Just one good kick in -"

The bouncer gave no reply; he simply hurled her out the doors of the establishment, launching her face first in the dirt. The fact that it was still broad daylight made this all the more humiliating.

She got up with a huff, and dusted herself off. Eddie and Fiona came out the door as she was doing so. "Melody! Are you okay?" Eddie cried.

"Fine." She sniffed. "I see Pad was too occupied with other girls to even -"

"Pad left."

"Huh?"

"He and that girl went out to have fun somewhere. He said he'll be back at the inn sometime this evening. Anyway, why don't we all -"

"You and Fiona can make your own plans," Melody interrupted. "I still have a date to find."

"Um..." Eddie scratched the back of his head. "Don't you think maybe you should take a break from the dating scene for today? I mean, I haven't been watching you the whole time, but it looks like it's been rather a pain for you so far. I'm sure you'll have much more fun with -"

"Okay, okay! I get it!" she bellowed, face flushed beet red with embarrassment. "Pad is a red-hot stud who all the girls swoon for, and I'm a ratty weirdo who can count herself lucky if a guy hangs around her for more than two minutes!"

"That's not true, Melody."

"Coulda fooled me!"

"I think what Eddie means to say," Fiona cut in with a pacifying tone, "...is that Pad doesn't see it that way."

"Why the heck should I care what _he_ thinks? Huh?"

"But you _do_ care; you said so yourself," Eddie pointed out. "You said you were only looking for a date to show Pad that not every girl is going to fawn over him."

Melody snarled and waved her wand at Eddie, sending out a horizontal tornado that smacked him right off his feet, and sent him sailing through the air until he landed right on the back of his head. She promptly turned and stormed off, while Fiona bent down to tend to the growing lump on Eddie's noggin.

"Ouuufff," Eddie groaned. "Why did she have to do that?"

"I think you forgot that no one but Pad can contradict her and get away with it," Fiona said.

* * *

><p>Melody had no idea where she was going; she just needed some time away from her friends. She'd rarely felt so angry and frustrated, and it was all the more infuriating because she couldn't figure out why.<p>

It wasn't as though she really wanted a boyfriend or anything like that. She could take care of herself just fine, and besides, pretty much every boy she'd ever known was either a blithering idiot, an insufferable bore, or a king-sized jerk like her last prospect back at the restaurant. Who'd want to be saddled with one of them?

She turned a corner, and there she heard a grunt that was somehow familiar. Her eyes, which had been watching the cobblestones under her feet, lifted to take in the view in front of her. She froze in shock.

There, in a fairly secluded alley enclosed with shadows, were Pad and his date. And they were kissing.

Not with their mouths closed, either. Or with their hands to themselves, for that matter.

Not wanting to be spotted by them, Melody spun around and strode back the way she came. The farther she got, the more her pace picked up, until she was running.

Her heart was a whirl of emotion, but one thought came through very clear. _I HATE boys! On top of everything else, they either go for the first pretty face they see, or the first girl who panders to their overblown egos! They deserve whatever they get when they give themselves to bimbos like that!_

But even Melody had to admit to herself, as tears inexplicably began flowing from her eyes, that she hated Pad more than any other boy she'd ever met.

* * *

><p>Alyona's lips were soft, and when she kissed him he put his arms around her waist, purely because it seemed rude to just stand there when being kissed by a girl. She was nice and supple in his arms, and for a moment he even kissed her back, but... it felt wrong.<p>

Pad stopped returning Alyona's kiss, and after a moment he pushed her away. She stared into his eyes. "What's wrong? Was it not good?"

"Naw, it was good..." He stuffed his hands into his pockets and stared down at the cobblestones, scuffing at one of them with his shoe. "But I ain't the kinda guy who kisses someone on the first date, ya know? It just don't seem right, ya know? Ya shoulda asked before ya kissed me."

"Oh..."

"Maybe I'm just Puritanical or whatever ya call it, but..." He shrugged. "Anyway, I don't want ya ta think I'm angry or anything, but maybe we oughta call it a night." He could hear Melody snapping at him, _"It's still early evening, peabrain!"_, so he added, "I know it's still early in the evening, but you know what I mean."

"Okay." Alyona ran a hand through her hair. "I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

The question shouldn't have caught Pad off-guard, but it did. And as soon as it was asked, he realized that, even though he'd had a great time, the idea of another date with this girl left him cold. There was just something about her kissing him like that on their first date that totally turned him off. It was too easy, like... like she'd been planning the date to end this way all along, and getting to know him was just a formality.

"Look, I... I don't think so," he managed. "Ya seem like a nice girl an' all, but I'm not sure you're my type, and I'm a world-travelin' adventurer, so I'll be leavin' soon and I don't know when I'll be comin' this way again."

"But I don't mind seeing you only now and then."

"Well, I do! I take things like this seriously!" There was an awkward silence. "So... goodbye, I guess."

As he walked away, he wondered if maybe he was being an idiot. After all, it _was_ just a kiss. But he couldn't help but feel that the kind of girl who gave herself that easily just wasn't for him. Neither Melody or Fiona would ever lock lips with a guy they didn't know well, that was for sure. Heck, he and Melody had been traveling together for weeks and weeks before they kissed that one time.

What it came down to was, he didn't want love as easily as Alyona was giving it. He wanted a girl who wouldn't just say whatever she thought he wanted to hear. A girl who would bitch and complain whenever he said or did something she didn't like. A girl whose affections didn't come out like a gunshot, but unfolded slowly like the pedals of a flower in bloom.

He sighed as he thought of that girl, and headed back towards the inn.


	6. Tale Number Five: Addiction

- Tale Number Five: Addiction -

Pad was kissing Melody, and for the moment, nothing else mattered.

He gave no thought to how or why this was happening; he was just happy that it was. In the back of his mind, he knew that he was almost certainly going to get slapped across the face as soon as this was over, but he didn't care. She was so warm and alive in his arms, her embrace so fierce and passionate. Having since kissed another girl (he could not possibly think of her name at the moment), he now appreciated what made Melody's kiss special: She was not needy for emotion, but rather overflowing with an abundance of it. She gave as much and more of herself as she took.

He pushed her farther back into the couch, and he heard a pleased murmur escape Melody's lips at his ardor. It was an effort of will to release her lips so that they could catch their breaths. When they did, he couldn't help but stare at how she was even more beautiful with her hat off, her soft brown hair so charmingly disheveled around her face. They could only hold themselves like that a moment, however, and then they were clutching each other in a passionate embrace again.

Just being this close to her made Pad's heart pound with excitement. Unable to help himself, he groped her shamelessly, feeling the slope of her back and the feminine curve of her midriff. His right hand wandered to her knobby knee, briefly exploring its firm shape before sliding up her wonderfully long leg, eventually daring to go up under her skirt.

"Mmmmph!" Melody protested into his mouth, and then grabbed his right arm by the wrist. Pad retreated from her lips, and she gasped out, "N... no. I'm not ready for..." - she blushed, and continued in a mumble - "I'm not ready for that yet."

"Sorry," Pad said, blushing himself as he removed his hand from under her skirt. "I didn't mean to rush ya." To be honest, he wasn't really ready to go to second base yet himself; he'd just gotten carried away.

"Yeah, well, you _should_ be sorry," Melody shot back, getting up off the couch. Pad was just about to remind her that he'd just _said_ that he was, when she hooked both arms under her skirt so as to straighten out her underwear, just as though another person weren't sitting right there. Pad barely managed to jerk his head away in time to avoid getting a sneak peek. "I'm very sensitive about my body, and if -" She caught herself mid-sentence, and when he timidly turned to look at her, Pad saw her brow furrowed and her eyes screwed up, as though she'd just stumbled upon a perplexing enigma.

"What is it?"

"...Did we just make out again?"

For a moment he wasn't sure what to say. "Yeah, I guess we did."

"How the heck did that happen?" Her voice was incredulous.

"Um..." To his abashment, he couldn't immediately come up with the answer to that question. It _was_ a bit odd; just a few hours ago, they'd been angry with each other and he'd been on a date with someone else. "Let me see... After I said goodbye to Alyona, I came back here..."

* * *

><p>"Here" was the inn they were all staying at, of course. When he got there, he found the room he was sharing with Eddie was empty. When he knocked on the girls' room, his answer was a bitter "Go away!"<p>

"It's me," Pad said.

"Go to hell, then!"

That made him mad; all he'd done was knock on the door. "Yeah? Well -"

"What are you doing back here, anyway? Did your date figure out what a loser you really are?"

He hesitated, realizing now that she didn't sound so much angry as upset. "No, I... I got rid of her, actually. Will ya listen to me a sec? I got somethin' to tell ya."

"What?"

He scratched at the back of his head. _Man, this is hard._ "Can I come in first? Ya know, so that I'm not talkin' to a door."

"Fine, come in, whatever."

He turned the knob and stepped inside. The room was pretty dull and ordinary, except for her. The one thing that struck him as unusual was that there was a couch - or maybe it just seemed unusual because she was lying across it, on her belly. Her head was tilted up, though, eyes studying him carefully.

"Well?" she demanded, when he didn't say anything for the first half a minute.

"Geez, let me think a sec, okay? This is kinda awkward, ya know?"

"Ugh," she said, and buried her face in the couch pillow. "Wake me when you grow the balls to actually say whatever it is you wanted to tell me."

That pissed him off. What did she know? It wasn't like she'd ever told him anything like this. Why was he even sweating over telling her this when she hated him so much? She probably wouldn't even care. "Well, fine. Ya know how I told ya I've made out with lots of girls before? Well, I lied."

Her head shot up. "What?"

"Yeah, you're actually the first girl I ever kissed. Not that I couldn't have gotten some - I just didn't have time for girls, ya know, growin' up the way I did. I mean, some days it was hard just gettin' enough ta eat and a safe place ta rest, so it seemed kinda dumb to be smoochin' girls. But with you, I didn't even think about any o' that. I just felt I wanted ta do it, so I did it without even thinking. I lied, too, about it not meanin' anything to me, 'cause it meant a lot. In fact," he went on, growing more smug as he observed Melody's face growing redder by the minute. "...I wouldn't even call it lying, really, because lyin' means you're plannin' on the other person believin' ya. I was just kiddin' around. I didn't think even you would be dumb enough ta fall for _that_ one."

"You...!" Melody leapt off the couch, arm raised to slap his face. Pad was expecting that, though, and easily caught her wrist as soon as she swung. She tried the same with her other hand, and he caught that one as well. Face burning with rage, she squirmed and struggled to break out of his grip. "Lemme go, you big creep!"

"And let ya hurt me again? No way." He readied himself to dodge for when she did the obvious thing and tried to kick him in the nuts, but for some reason she made no such move.

"It's what you deserve! All this time, I've been so mad at you for that kiss, and now you tell me that was a lie all along? That you felt something when you did it after all?"

"Well, I didn't know ya'd get so upset about it!"

"So you just assumed, huh?" she spat.

"Hey, don't talk to me about sensitivity! You're the one who's always yelling at me for no good reason, ya self-centered nag!"

"You... you lousy rat!" Her struggles renewed with increased vigor, and she squirmed in vain against Pad's superior strength. "I hate you! I hate you!"

"Well, maybe I hate you back!"

"You don't have enough emotion in your heart to hate, you - you scum-sucking snake!" As she spat this out, she managed to thrust her head up so that her face came within an inch of his. She probably thought this would intimidate him, but Pad instead saw an opportunity.

His own head darted forward, and he briefly pressed his lips to hers.

Melody's eyes went wide with shock at the stolen kiss. Seeing this sent a surge of bravado through him, and he leaned in to kiss her again, this time pushing his tongue in to meet hers. She was even sweeter than he remembered. But after a moment his bravado slipped away as easily as it had come, leaving doubt and even a bit of shame at his cheekiness, and he removed his mouth from hers. He looked over her face with a certain anxiousness; her eyes were closed now, and he was uncertain what sort of retaliation might be coming when they reopened.

But her eyes remained closed, her lips remained parted, and her wrists had gone limp in his grip. No retaliation was coming. She only murmured, "Pad..."

The thought of holding back had no time to enter Pad's mind, nor was it likely to have held much sway if it had. His mouth eagerly met with hers, his hand released her wrist so that he could tenderly hold the side of her head, and she gripped him by the hair, pulling him to her as tightly as she could. Everything else seemed to fade away into an inconsequential background.

* * *

><p>"It gets kind of fuzzy after that," Pad finished, scratching his head. Then he noticed Melody had her head turned towards the table a few feet away. "Hey, are ya listening or what?"<p>

"My potion!" she burst out. "What happened to the potion I was - Ohhhh, nooooo!" she cried, her eyes falling down to the shattered glass and yellowish fluid on the floor. It was melting a hole into the wooden planks. Melody fell to her knees before it. "I was working on that for _hours_! And now the innkeeper is going to kill us!"

Pad hated seeing her unhappy like this. He knelt down behind her and squeezed her shoulders in a gesture of support. "Hey now, it's okay... we-"

"Don't touch me!" she screeched, jerking herself free of Pad's grasp. Then she turned and shoved him away, knocking him onto his back. He groaned as the back of his head impacted with the wood floor. "This wouldn't have happened if we weren't... you know! We must have knocked the potion over on the way to the couch!"

That made sense. Pad knew that in the blissful haze he'd been in, he would never have noticed. "Okay..." he groaned as he sat up, rubbing the back of his head and wincing at how sore it was. "So we'll just clear stuff like that out of the way anytime we're, uh, alone together."

"That's not the point! We have to stop doing this!"

"Why?" He said this as though she'd just told him they had to stop traveling around the world.

"Because it's a bad habit! An addiction! Look, from what you told me this is the second time we've started kissing right in the middle of an argument." She put her hands on her hips and leaned towards him in that bossy way of hers. "Does that sound like something normal, sane people do?"

"...I guess not," he admitted.

"Well, then! The obvious, healthy thing to do is stop!"

"Okay," he sighed.

"Not just 'okay'! We have to do something about it!" She spun on her heel and walked to the other side of the table, ignoring the spilled potion. There was a book set there, and she cracked it open. "Let's see, I'm sure I can work something up in no time... Oh! I've got it!" Her entire face lit up, and she began flipping through pages with a passion.

"What?" Pad prompted. "What's your idea?"

"Gimmie a minute, will you!"

He sighed again and began casting nervous glances at the book. He couldn't help but feel more than a bit leery of a solution which Melody had arrived at after just a few seconds of considering the problem. And that wasn't the only thing.

"Are ya really sure that our kissing is a problem?"

"I just explained it to you," she said, her voice slightly irritated. At this point she had stopped flipping through pages and was searing through the text with her eyes.

"Yeah, but really, how do we know people don't always argue before they kiss? Sure it _sounds_ crazy, but maybe it's actually normal."

"Did you and your date argue before you kissed?" Melody challenged.

"Huh? What makes ya think we kissed at all?"

"Oh, _I'm sorry_," she returned, her voice so heavy with sarcasm that Pad was surprised that the words managed to drag themselves out of her mouth. "So you totally deny that your lips ever touched hers?"

She had him there. Whether or not she really knew what had happened between him and Alyona, he couldn't bring himself to outright lie to Melody. "Okay, okay, we kissed," he said. "But it didn't mean nothin'."

"Like I care." She took a pair of flasks and began putting ingredients into them. Powders, fluids, seeds which she ground with a pestle beforehand. "You just keep right on kissing girls that you don't have any feelings for. It's none of my business."

"H-hey!" he protested, but had a hard time thinking of a counter that wouldn't just get him into more trouble. Instead, he blurted out, "It was her idea, not mine!"

This sounded horribly lame even to him when it came out of his mouth, and apparently Melody felt the same, because she just went on mixing in ingredients without a word. After some additional stirring, she poured some of the contents of each flask into a bowl, then added a drop of something-or-other.

"There!" Melody pronounced, giving each mixture a proud sniff. "All ready for action!"

Pad raised an eyebrow at it. "What are they, anti-love potions?"

"No such thing. Besides, they're not even potions. Look." She pressed a finger into one of them, then took it out to show him the muddy crust sticking to her fingertip. _Looks like whatever she dropped into the bowls solidified the mixture. Or something. I just don't get this magic stuff._ "You just spread it on your lips, like this. They're both totally harmless... by themselves, that is," she said, giving a wicked smirk.

With that, she handed the other bowl - the one with the stuff she hadn't smeared on her own lips - to Pad.

He hesitated. She sighed with exasperation. "It _won't_ do anything to you. I promise."

"Then what's it for?"

"It's a deterrent. Watch!" She took a pin, scraped its tip along the surface of the first mixture, then dropped it into the second one. A mild bang went off, making Pad jump and reach for his pistol, which wasn't there, having been discarded at the beginning of their makeout session. "Now, anytime we get the urge to kiss, we just need to think of how much bigger that explosion would be if all the mixture we put on our mouths were to combine. Clever, huh?"

Pad just stared. "And... this doesn't sound like a really bad idea to ya?"

"What can go wrong? I told you, the stuff's totally inert unless our lips touch!"

"Yeah, but -"

"Put it on, meat-head!" she said, shoving the bowl at his gut while shaking her fist in his face. "Or I'll make you wish you were never born!"

He stared back at her fierce glare. _Man, she's so intense. I wish I could..._ But he shook himself out of it, stuck his finger into the bowl, and spread the stuff on his lips. "Stuff feels like dried clay," he groused.

"You won't even notice it after a few hours." She turned and put the bowls into her pouch. Pad wondered how she was going to keep the stuff from spilling in there. "Now remember, we have to re-apply once a week. Got it?"

"Yeah," he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. _"Deterrent," she said - Hah! I'm __already wishing I never came here, much less kissed her._

"Good," she said, but eyed him with suspicion as she added a bit more mixture to her own lips.

* * *

><p>Pad and Melody disagreed with each other as naturally as they breathed. Whenever a subject came up that they were of one mind on - and by Fiona's assessment, this actually happened more often between them than between two average people - they would state their positions using different wording and act as though they were in opposition to each other. The two of them seemed to have got it down to a science by now.<p>

As often as they disagreed, however, their arguments were nearly always limited to brief spots of bickering. They seemed as ready to let an argument quietly drop as they were to start one. For a while, this had changed, and they had become more argumentative, for reasons that Fiona could not determine. But things had gone back to normal, it seemed, and the spat they were having now was the first one she'd seen in the more than a month which had passed since their vacation in Kiev. The party was climbing back on board the ship, and the two of them were still bickering over whose fault it was that the bandit twins got away with the ruby brooch they'd been tasked to recover.

"I still can't believe you didn't shoot him when you had the chance!" Melody growled. "We would have had them!"

"Yeah, well, I still can't believe ya had ta get in the way and spoil my shot," Pad retorted.

"You didn't even take that shot! At least I _tried_ to stop them."

"Well, what was I supposed ta do? Shoot through you to get him?" He stomped into his cabin, throwing his pistol at a wall.

Melody stormed right in after him. "Oh right, like my little body could completely block all of your shots."

"It ain't that easy! If ya moved an inch the wrong way, I coulda shot ya right through the heart! Do ya have any idea how I'd feel if I hurt -" The rest of this was cut off as Melody slammed the door to Pad's cabin behind her.

Eddie and Fiona stared at the closed door for a moment in silence. "Boy," Eddie said. "The way those two are going at it, there's bound to be an explosion soon."

BOOM!

The door bent against its hinges, the floor trembled beneath them, and a cloud of ominous smoke overflowed from Pad's cabin. Eddie and Fiona looked at each other, Fiona's brows bent in an accusing glare.

Wasting no time with defending himself, Eddie leapt into action and pulled the door off its already half-rent hinges. Smoke flowed out, and he stepped inside, coughing, to an odd sight.

The room was in disarray; that much Eddie had anticipated. The clothes drawer was cracked and tilted against the wall, several of its drawers hanging open and smoke steaming off of it. The few additional personal belongings Pad had were scattered across the floor. Pad and Melody themselves were to be found against opposite walls of the room, legs in the air and the backs of their heads against the floor. They were still conscious, though, even if they did look rather shell-shocked. Both of them were black with soot, with the curious exception of the little areas surrounding their mouths.

"Are you guys - cough - okay?" Eddie asked. "What - cough - happened in here?"

"Nothin'!" Pad and Melody snapped at him in unison.

Eddie carefully backed out of the room, sensing that this was another one of those little mysteries between Pad and Melody that was better left unsolved. Even under all the soot on their faces, he could swear they were both blushing with embarrassment.


	7. Tale Number Six: At the Beach

Author's Notes:

Just a little warning that this particular tale contains some references to sexual matters. It's nothing M-rated, but if you're uncomfortable with the notion that the cast of Nostalgia have gender-specific body parts, you should skip this one.

- Tale Number Six: At the Beach -

"Because you're a creep, that's why!"

Melody slapped him immediately after saying this; though the two of them weren't in Fiona's line of sight yet, she could recognize the sound. "You're always trying to dig up dirt on me so that you can make fun!" the rant went on. "Why don't you just leave me alone?!"

It was here that Fiona "walked in", as it were; the argument was taking place above decks, on the starboard side. She turned the corner just in time to see Melody running off, leaving Pad standing alone, rubbing a sore cheek. Fiona approached him with the vague notion of offering some comfort.

Pad didn't even glance in her direction, but he obviously knew she was there, because he said at a normal conversational volume, "All I did was ask why she was so upset when she found out how 'er mom died."

"She just killed the man who murdered her," Fiona offered. "Maybe now wasn't the best time."

"But she was upset again! I hadda talk to her now... she needed someone ta talk to."

"It's... it's nice that you're so considerate to her. But I think she can take care of herself, really."

"Yeah," he said, but his tone revealed that he didn't believe it. He folded his arms and stared at the deck. "Yeah, that's the ticket. That crazy hag doesn't need me, and I ain't gonna bother tryin' ta help her like that again. From now on, I'll let her sort it out herself."

This was hardly the first time Pad had made that vow, but Fiona just nodded, took what she'd come up for, and headed back belowdecks. This time, she decided, she'd just have to admit that she'd been wrong: Melody didn't have the sort of feelings for Pad that he had for her. No one who felt that way could repeatedly spurn Pad's heartfelt gestures of concern.

She thought nothing further of the matter until that night, when she was heading up on deck to take her watch. Along the way, her attention was caught by the sound of moaning. Remembering that she was passing rather near where Melody was sleeping, she decided to check in on her and unravel the mystery.

She found her sleeping in her usual spot, laid out on a storage chest. She was making a considerable snore, but her moaning was louder. It wasn't a pained moan, though. After setting her lantern down on the deck so that its light wouldn't disturb the dreamer, Fiona bent down to her slumbering face so that she could hear what she was saying.

"Nnnnnn... yyyyyyyunnnhhh... errrrr..." There was a break for some grinding of her teeth. Fiona winced, but kept listening for something intelligible. "Nrrrrrahhh... Mmmmmm... Ohhhhhh... Pad..."

"Ah - HA!" Fiona exclaimed.

She was still squatting next to Melody's face, so when this victorious declaration burst out of her, Melody snapped her eyes open, leapt to an upright position, and blindly struck with her right arm, catching Fiona on the side of the head and sending her sprawling to the deck. By good luck, she fell a couple inches to the left of her lantern, and it remained upright.

"Who's there? Huh? Who's there?" Melody said in a rush, her eyes still blinking in half-sleep. "I'll fry you! I'll yank your damn testicles off and make you -"

"Melody! Melody, it's me!"

"Fiona?" There was a somewhat uncomfortable silence as Melody's eyes adjusted to the dim light. "What the heck didja wake me up for?"

"...You love him!"

"Huh?"

"Pad! You were moaning his name in your sleep."

Melody arched an eyebrow at her, then shook her head. "Even if you're telling the truth, I was probably having a nightmare about him, like maybe him winning an argument for once."

"Even if I'm _telling the truth_?" Fiona repeated, astonished that there could be doubt about that point.

"Well, I've never seen someone talking in their sleep. How do I know it isn't just a myth?"

"Well..." That was a bit suspect. It was true that Melody liked to see things with her own eyes, but she was no skeptic. Still, Fiona knew well how poorly Melody tended to react to people contradicting her. "Look, I know that you care about Pad. Why won't you admit it? He's obviously in love with you, so -"

"In love with me? Ha! Are you pretending not to notice he's dating other girls?"

"But he never goes out with the same one twice," Fiona pointed out. "And he always asks you out first. Remember, he only asked that girl in Lima to have lunch with him after asking you if you were interested in looking for beetles." She sighed wistfully. "Can't you see how romantic it is? You're always his first choice."

"Looking for beetles is hardly what I'd call a date," Melody huffed.

"Well, if you didn't rebuff him all the time, maybe he'd get the guts to ask you on a real date."

"Guts, schmutz. He doesn't want me, period! He wants a girl with a pretty face and a great figure - don't believe me, just take a look at his dates. He doesn't even think of me as a girl. _That's_ why he asks to go looking for beetles with me; as far as he's concerned, I'm just one of the guys."

Fiona gave up there. She was getting nowhere, and it was apparent from the bloodshot look in Melody's eyes that she was entering her "very tired and cranky" mood, thanks to being woken up from an obviously very happy dream in the middle of the night. Besides, she couldn't help but feel that Melody had a good point in there, somewhere.

As Fiona was standing her watch, one good point that Melody might have occurred to her. While it was true that Melody was making it very difficult for Pad, and that she gave him almost every possible reason to give up on her, it was also true that Pad wasn't making as obvious an effort as he could. It was quite arguable, from Melody's standpoint, that he didn't care about her in that way. So perhaps the best course of action was to coax Pad into a more aggressive courtship. That just might kick-start things, Fiona reasoned.

The only question was how to do it, and that, she was certain, would come to her with time.

* * *

><p>"I've got it!" Eddie declared, face lit up with enthusiasm. "Why don't we all go to the beach?"<p>

"The beach?" Melody echoed, feeling considerably less enthusiastic.

"I've never been," Fiona said. "At least, not that I can remember."

"Me neither," Pad shook his head.

"Well, it strikes me as a capital idea," Evans voted. "I haven't had a good swim in ages."

"I can't believe the rest of you have never gone," Eddie said. "Now we _have_ to go there!"

Pad shrugged. "Sounds good ta me. But I ain't got the clothes for it."

"We'll all go shopping," Fiona suggested, a little too helpfully for Melody's comfort. "Eddie can go with Pad to get some swim trunks, and I can help Melody pick out a bathing suit. We might need an extra towel or two, as well..."

"Hey!" Melody put in. "You haven't ever worn one either, so how come you're helping me pick out a bathing suit?"

"I feel like I know what I'm looking for, though."

"And besides, what if I don't feel like going at all?!"

"Whatsamatter?" Pad smirked. "Are ya scared of jellyfish?"

"I am not!" Melody turned on him, her face burning. "You're just afraid of going without me to protect you! You're not so tough without your gun, are you?"

He folded his arms. "Well, maybe we'll both go, and then we can see who's more scared!"

She did her best to out-smirk him. "Yes! Let's see!"

* * *

><p>"Ah, I think this one would look perfect," Fiona said, pulling out a white one-piece and holding it up against her front. "What do you think, Melody?"<p>

"Um... You do realize we're not going to wear these suits underneath our usual clothes?" she replied, flustered and a bit regretting her earlier bravado already.

"Of course. It's a bathing suit; you wear it and nothing else."

"Well... I mean... Look at how thin and tight the material is! Everyone will be able to tell the exact shape of my body!"

"_Your_ body?" Fiona looked momentarily perplexed. "Oh no, I meant this bathing suit for me. We want something not nearly so modest for you to wear."

Melody wasn't sure which part of that statement to repeat back in the form of an incredulous question: _"You're going to wear THAT?" or "Something less modest than THAT?"_ For the sake of getting in at least one of the two, she blurted out the latter.

"Of course. This is one of the most modest suits they'll have; that's why I picked it. I want something comfortable, but I don't want to show off my body too much."

"And you think I do?" She flung her arms up in the air. "Look, I don't know what you've heard, but I was raised a proper girl, and I take modesty very seriously! I can't wear stuff like this!"

"Look," Fiona sighed, "Do you want Pad to start seeing you as a girl or not?"

"Huh?" _That was really out of nowhere._

"You said that Pad doesn't even think of you as a girl. Maybe that's because you wear dumpy clothes like that all of the time."

_Okay, she has lost it._ "What the hell are you talking about? This dress is perfectly feminine!"

"Well, yes." She gave her a sympathetic look. "But it's not eye-catching. If that's the sort of thing you like to wear, then you should keep on dressing like that most of the time. But if you want to catch a man's attention, you have to wear something special every now and then. Now, I think you already _have_ Pad's attention. But you can always get a little more attention from a man. Believe me, I know these things." She turned and headed for another rack of swimsuits.

Melody followed. "How can you know? I thought you don't remember anything!"

"I don't remember learning to speak English, or how to play piano, but I still know those things." She sifted through the racks for a minute, then pulled out a dainty pink two-piece. "How about this one?"

"You have got to be kidding." She waited for a "ha ha", then when none came, elaborated, "For starters, that thing on top - is that a _bra_? - is going to just slide right off me. My boobs aren't even half that size."

"Well, it is pretty hard for me to tell how big they are. You always wear very loose-fitting dresses." She put the suit back on the rack. "Why don't you pick one out with a 'bra' your size."

Melody didn't like the bemused grin Fiona made when she said that. "What, you mean another bathing suit like that? No way! They'd be able to see my whole legs and stomach, even my..." She blushed, and lowered her eyes. "...my navel..."

"Oh, for goodness sakes." Fiona slapped a palm over her face. "If you're going to hide yourself in the most bashful swimsuit you can find, you might as well not go at all. Your problem isn't just modesty; it's self-confidence. You're so afraid that you won't be able to get Pad's attention that you won't even try."

"I don't _want_ Pad's attention." She folded her arms and turned her back on Fiona.

"Melody? Melody, look..."

Fiona went on talking, but Melody had closed down, very deliberately not hearing a word she said. She was in the habit of doing this whenever someone was being a Grade A jerk and she was in a situation where blasting them into the stratosphere with a few spells wouldn't be a good idea. It was a nice skill to have. It allowed her to spend some time with her own thoughts while the jerk in question wasted their breath.

_Stupid. This is all so stupid. Women actually wear these things out in public? That's __disgusting. Although... I guess guys go to the beach with nothing but those trunks, don't they. Heh. It would be cool to see Pad dressed like that. Heh heh._

_ Anyway! It's not like I'm afraid to wear one of those, anyway. I could do it; I just don't want to parade my body around like that. I can't believe Fiona is being so low as to say I'm afraid. Is she using reverse psychology, or what? Besides, why would I put one of those things on? I was lying when I said Pad can't see me as a girl. I mean, he made out with me. So why would I want him to see me dressed like that? Just to see how he'd react when I'm half-naked? Heh._

_ Heh heh._

With Fiona still blabbing away, she began sifting through the rack herself. "Fine," she said. "But I'm not doing this to prove anything, got it? I just figure, you've got to try everything once, right?"

"Of course," Fiona smiled, as if to reassure Melody that no judgments were being cast.

"...Here," Melody announced after a few more moments of searching, and pulled out a dark purple two-piece which looked as though it would at least give more coverage for her butt than most of the outfits the shop had in stock. She liked the color, too; nowhere near as loud as the pink, light blue, and lime offerings, and it had the advantage over black in that it didn't make her look evil. "I think I'll go with this one."

Fiona just stared at the top half of the suit. "Really? They're _that_ small?"

She gritted her teeth. "Fiona, you are _this close_ to me sending you halfway to the moon." With that warning, she headed towards the shopkeeper so she could pay for the damn thing.

* * *

><p>"Woah!" Pad threw his arms out to the sides, as though trying to regain his balance. "Talk about hot stuff!"<p>

"Um... yes," Eddie managed, fiddling with the tie on his swim trunks.

"So soft and fine, too. Wow. I'm not staring too much, am I?"

"I don't think you _can_ stare too much. Just so long as you look away before anyone else notices."

"Right. Damn, that'd be embarrassing." He laughed. "Man, am I really seeing this? I mean, am I really seeing this? They're totally glistening under the sun!"

There was the sound of the door to the beach house snapping open behind them, snapping shut an instant later. "Hello there, Masters Eddie and Pad!" Evans hailed them. "I gather from your conversation that the young ladies have arrived in their beach attire?"

"Huh?" Eddie said. "Oh no, Pad's just sticking his feet into sand for the first time."

"Check it out!" Pad exclaimed, digging his feet in further. "I'm sinking! I'm siiiiiiinkingggggg!" He performed some mock flailing of his arms.

Evans chuckled. "It is remarkable stuff, isn't it? It's been much too long since I - Ahhh!" He sighed as he dipped his own toes into the warm sand. "Oh, it's very nice today."

"It feels the same as always to me," Eddie remarked with a smile. "I'm glad that you two are enjoying it, though. I'm going to get in the water and cool off."

Pad knelt down and ran both his hands through the sand. It was like nothing he'd ever felt before. If the Browns could visit a place like this any time they wanted... Well, that was one more reason for him to think being in the upper class wasn't all stiffness and formality. Not that he wasn't glad to have been born into a more humble place, of course.

He just couldn't get enough of this sand, though! It was so soothing when it ran over his skin. And though he did feel a bit self-conscious about going around without a shirt - particularly with the thought that the girls were going to join them soon - it was nice to feel his body free and unburdened as the cool sea breeze brushed over him.

Over and over, he dug his hands into the sand and lifted them up, letting the grains flow out through the crevices between his fingers. He was starting to experiment with letting fistfuls of sand stream over his arms when Eddie called out, "Hey, it looks like Melody and Fiona are here!"

This announcement didn't interest Pad much, so he finished squeezing his current fistful of sand over his arm before he bothered with standing up to greet them. He dusted off the sand still clinging to his arms, then looked around.

And stared.

He was aware of Fiona in a sort of peripheral way - she was a pretty girl, and looked downright slyph-like in her swimsuit - but Melody had ensorcereled the whole of his attention. Her mousy brown hair fluttered messy and free in the breeze, wayward strands of it touching against the curves of her bare shoulders. Her skin was so pale and smooth and lovely, and the vast expanses of it that were exposed left Pad breathless.

It was a revelation, as well, that Melody had breasts - small ones, but breasts nonetheless. In an intellectual sort of way, Pad had been aware that she had to have them, but with her clothing always obscuring her figure, it was more than a little hard to imagine them, and he never gave the matter any thought. The notion of there being two little mounds there on her chest was more appealing than it had a right to be. Most of all, though, he was awestruck at being able to see every inch of her long legs. They were more gorgeous than he'd dreamed.

He was distracted from his gawking by an odd sensation in his swim trunks. Since he was still sensible enough to realize he shouldn't stare at Melody too long, he took a look down at his trunks... and saw, to his utter horror, that he was visibly aroused.

A frantic glance back at the two girls confirmed that they were too engaged in conversation with each other to have noticed. This gave him perhaps a split second to hide the potential source of endless, unendurable humiliation, so he dropped back to a sitting position, facing away from the girls, and began throwing sand on top of his crotch in a crude imitation of building a sandcastle.

He had just about built up a decent mound over the problem when _someone_ cleared their throat and said, "So what'cha doing, Pad?"

_Dammit._

He could see her foot out of the corner of his eye, soft white toes curling into the sand. He took care to avert his eyes from the rest of her; that mound of sand was fragile, and if - _Don't think about it._

"Just playin' in the sand," he mumbled in reply.

"You don't have to be so shy." She said this in barely more than a mumble herself, but Pad wasn't one to talk. It felt like he was drowning in his own sweat. "Whatever it is you're making, it doesn't look too bad."

"Um, thanks." He'd been trying to make a decent design for a castle, just so that it wouldn't be obvious that all he was doing was hiding his loins beneath a pile of sand, but all he'd been able to pull off was a slightly irregular and shapeless mound. "I'm... making a mountain."

"Neat."

_Dammit, why won't she go away? Why did she pick now, of all times, to latch onto me as her talk-to buddy?_ With her standing so close, all he could think about was her smooth, femine, and mostly bare body. The hot blood pounding through his veins made him wish he had a huge tub of ice water to jump into.

Without warning, she came around so that she was standing right in front of him. _Oh man... those legs!_ He shot his gaze down on the crude pile of sand between his own legs and pretended to be caught up in his work. "So," she said, her voice louder now, but conspicuously nervous. "...what do you think of my bathing suit?"

"It's fine," he answered. Pad knew that the polite thing to do while commenting on any part of a girl's appearance was to _look_ at her, but he didn't trust his mouth to not start drooling if he saw Melody in that swimsuit again, so he kept his eyes down.

"'Fine'?"

"Yeah, fine. Aren't ya gonna try out a swim with it?"

There was a foreboding silence. Then Melody exploded "Okay then, I will!" She turned and probably tried stomping off, but the sound of her footsteps was quite muffled in the sand. "By the way, that's the crummiest excuse for a sand sculpture I've ever seen! It looks like you were trying to build a sandcastle but someone kicked it over!"

Pad was so relieved that she was leaving that he didn't bother to point out that since she'd never been to the beach before, this would have to be the _only_ excuse for a sand sculpture she'd ever seen.

Still, he couldn't resist one last look as she stormed away. A bad idea. Before that look, he only had her frontside flooding his thoughts; he now had the very fetching way her mussy brown hair flitted over her bare backside to think about.

_That girl is entirely too sexy,_ he grumbled inwardly, and looked back down at the mound of sand he'd been building. _This is clearly not going away anytime soon. Dammit._

He sat there in gloom for a few minutes, but he just couldn't get Melody off his mind. He wished he could just... reach out and touch her, even once. _Fat chance. Any girl would scream and slap any guy who did that to her. And we're not talking just any girl here, either. If I did that to Melody, we're talking end of the world scenario here. Bam. Boom. Wouldn't be nothing left o' me but ash, if that._

He took a glance at her swimming, just a few hundred yards away, yet totally out of his reach...

* * *

><p>"Well?" Fiona asked. She was lying on her back, doing a most placid performance of the dead man's float, her eyes closed in perfect peacefulness. She'd been doing this since she got in, and had even managed to keep her frontside completely dry so far, with the exception of her lower legs. In such serenity, it was impossible not to recognize Melody's unique strut as she splashed into the water.<p>

"Real great advice you gave me!" the young witch said in her most caustic tone.

"Why, what went wrong?" A moment later she let out a high-pitched shriek as Melody splashed her with a chilly spray of salt water, making her completely lose her balance and tumble fully into the sea. Her formerly dry frontside was now thoroughly soaked and bedraggled, her long hair hanging in unsightly locks.

"He reacted like I had leprosy, that's what went wrong! Like he'd rather be looking at anything else but me!"

"I- I- I think..." Fiona stammered, still trying to get over the shock of cold water on her front.

"If Eddie needs me, tell him I'm swimming so that no one can see me wearing this ridiculous outfit anymore! And from now on, you keep your bright ideas to yourself!"

With that, she dove in the water and began making rapid strokes away from Fiona. Having at last collected herself, the healer girl sighed. _Now, what could that be all about? Pad is attracted to her; I'm sure of it. Why would he - or why would she think he -_

Her thoughts were interrupted by a stirring in the water. Looking down, she saw that another swimmer had entered the sea, a familiar dark-haired and lanky figure. As she watched, Pad swam past her, poked his head up for a breath of air, and went back under, moving slowly and staying well below the surface of the water. His eyes had aligned on Melody during his brief surfacing, and he was moving in her direction.

Fiona found this all rather a mystery, but saw no reason to interfere. Knowing Pad, his stealth was in some way a part of his courtship of Melody. She didn't really understand Pad's way of doing things, so it was no surprise to her that she didn't understand this either. Still, she was intrigued enough to watch.

Between the distortion of the water and his increasing distance, Fiona ultimately lost sight of Pad. It mattered little, however, as half a minute later Melody began flailing her arms and shrieking, "Iiiiiiiiieeeeee! Help! Help! Something's grabbed my legs!"

To Melody's consternation, Fiona only giggled in response, and a moment later Pad's head popped out of the water. He was panting for air a bit, but grinning broadly as he said, "Hah! Got ya!"

Melody's face went red. "You... you... Take this!" She swung an arm through the water, throwing up a terrific splash in Pad's direction. He dodged as best he could, still grinning, and began returning fire.

Fiona just stood back and shook her head. _Whether he meant it that way or not, it looks like Pad found a legitimate excuse to touch Melody's legs._


	8. Tale Number Seven: Not the Right Sort

- Tale Number Seven: Not the Right Sort of Girl For Him -

"Well, I'm goin'," Pad announced.

Melody looked up from her book. "Going where?"

"He has a date with Amber," Fiona informed her, still focused on sewing up the tear in Eddie's jacket. "Don't you remember him telling us about it earlier?"

"I must not have been there," Melody said darkly, her eyes narrowing. "So you're going out with her _again_, huh?" she said to Pad, but her eyes were glaring at Fiona.

"It's only our third date," he returned, shrugging. "She asked me ta take 'er to this dance, and I figgered, why not?"

"Yeah, why not?" She was still shooting menace at Fiona with her gaze.

"Anyway, she seems really nice, so maybe if things go well tonight, I'll start seein' her regular. Just maybe, I mean. And we got the time on our hands now, don't we?"

"We sure do. I wish _I_ had something to do with this free time."

"Aw, come on. I see ya got yer head buried in a good book there." He gave a stupid nod of his head, like he couldn't imagine reading a book if his life depended on it, but was trying to wrap his head around someone else really enjoying it.

"Yeah, I guess I'm all set." She gritted her teeth for a moment, wishing he would head out already. It was starting to feel like he was gloating.

"Oh, Pa - addddd!" a feminine voice sang into the room. To Melody's mild gratification, Pad froze into an alarmed pose at the sound. A moment later, a young woman stepped in. She wore a pleasant, attractive dress; not too conservative, but not too revealing either.

"A- Amber!" Pad stammered, stepping to block her from further advance into the room. He began furiously scratching the back of his head and looking around the room. "Um... Ah... We should -"

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" she chimed.

"Well... we're running -"

"Yes, Pad," Melody interjected, now turning fully away from her book to fix her attention on him and his girlfriend. "Why don't you introduce us?"

Pad shot her an angry glare. "Okay, fine. That's Fiona, that's Melody, and Eddie, our captain, is still on the ship. Everyone, this is Amber. Now let's get goin', huh?"

Amber shook her head. "I forgot the ribbon for my hair. You'll have to run back to my house and get it for me."

"_I_ will?" he protested. "It's yer house! Why don't ya get it yourself if you want it that bad?"

"Don't be a lazy bones. It's bad enough you were taking so long that I had to come get you - you were supposed to pick me up, remember? And my sister's there to bring it out to you, so you shouldn't have any problem. Besides, I can get to know your friends a little better while I'm waiting."

"Yeah, okay," Pad said. By now he had gotten a hold of his mild anger and was rolling his eyes. "Look, I think we'll survive without a little extra ribbon. We're running late, and -"

"Pad!" She put her hands on her hips. "I am _not_ going to this dance without proper adornment! Now you march over there, or the date's off!"

He glowered back at her for a moment or two, but ultimately his shoulders slumped in defeat and with a mumbled, "Yeah, yeah..." he headed off. Melody watched, and saw him turn and give a sour look at the room's occupants before closing the door.

The minute he was gone, Amber wheeled on Fiona. "So you're the one he's always talking about," she said in a harsh whisper.

Fiona looked up from her sewing and blinked at Amber. "Excuse me?"

Melody carefully tilted her ear so that she could catch what Amber was saying - though in truth, it probably wasn't necessary. Melody had very good hearing, and Amber wasn't speaking nearly as quietly as she thought she was. Some people seemed to think that so long as you spoke in the hissing tone of a whisper, no one would hear you no matter what the actual volume of your speech was.

"He won't shut up about you," Amber went on, leaning in closer. "About how smart and kindhearted you are, and how it drives him nuts when you say something completely ridiculous. He's always complaining about how picky and negative you are - on our last date, I had to listen to a whole speech."

"Um," Fiona said, squirming in her chair like she was in a Cabal interrogation room. "I think -"

"I'm not stupid," she snapped. "I can tell when another woman has her hooks in my guy. Do you hear me?"

"I... I think he was talking about Melody," Fiona offered, pointing to her.

Anticipating that Amber would turn to look at her, Melody shot her eyes back to her book so she wouldn't notice that she'd been watching them. As she began flipping through in search of a certain spell, she heard Amber give a scornful snort. "That grooming disaster in the dumpy dress?" she continued in a loud whisper, making Melody's face redden with silent fury. "You expect me to believe it's her he's going gaga for? Do I look like an idiot?"

"Sometimes beauty is in the eye of -"

"You listen to me," Amber cut her off. "I _like_ Pad. He and I are going to be happy together. So if you don't knock off the flirting with him, I'm going to see to it that he quits your little group of adventurers. In fact, I've half a mind to do that anyway."

"Amber, you're overreacting," Fiona tried, lowering her own voice. "I'm not flirting with Pad, Melody isn't flirting with Pad, and even if we were -"

"I didn't ask for your interpretation. I repeat -"

It was Amber's turn to get interrupted, Melody decided, so she remarked in a loud voice, "Hey Amber, why are you dating that loser, anyway?"

Amber spun around. "What did you call him?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, trying to sound as genuinely apologetic as she could. "It's just that... don't you think it's a little silly for a guy his age to be keeping gross pets like that?"

Amber's face went blank, her anger dissipated. "Like... what?"

"Like _that_," Melody said, pointing to the ceiling.

Amber looked up.

And then screamed loud enough to hurt Melody's ears. Maybe it was just that the sight of a hairy eight-legged spider the size of a small cat was terrifying to her somehow.

Or maybe she was just shocked at having said spider drop right onto her shoulder. She sure didn't seem happy about it drooling slime all over her hair as it crawled around the back of her head.

"Get it off! Get it off!" she screeched, flailing her arms in the air, as though she wanted to tear the spider off of her but couldn't bring herself to touch it. Fiona just shrank back into her chair, staring at the spider with eyes as big as snowballs.

Melody pushed herself away from her desk, stood up, and walked over to Pad's frantic little girlfriend. "Bad Rufus! Bad!" she snapped at the spider. She extended an upturned palm to Amber's shoulder. "You come here right now, Rufus! What would Pad say if he saw you jumping on his girlfriend? Come!"

Rufus crawled onto her hand. She turned and brought him back to her desk, remarking, "You see? Rufus means well, but he can be a real pain in the butt. And I just don't see why Pad insists on keeping him around." She stuffed Rufus in a drawer, and turned around. "Where are you going?"

Of course, she was running out the door. And as perfect timing would have it, Pad was just returning with the ribbon. He brought Amber to a halt at the doorway. "Hey, what's goin' on? Yer hair's all mussed!" He snorted. "What point was there in me getting this ribbon if ya were just gonna -"

She slapped him across the face.

Pad just stared at her in silence a moment, then put a hand to his cheek. "Huh. That was surprisingly weak. I mean, it caught me off guard, but..."

"I've _had_ it with your insensitivity, your immaturity, and your weirdo female friends!" Amber snapped. "Goodbye!"

He watched her storm off, then mutely closed the door after her. Melody allowed herself a satisfied smirk.

"Man," Pad sighed. "What was that all about? Ah well, if that's how she wants it..." He tossed the ribbon onto Melody's desk.

"Well... she'll probably be back to get that," Fiona offered hopefully.

"Nah, that ain't her ribbon. I didn't want to have to deal with that sister o' hers, so I just went and bought one from the store a coupla blocks down. 'Sides, I ain't talkin' to her if she shows up. I didn't do nothing to deserve that kinda grief." He tore off the nice shirt he'd been going to wear to the dance and threw on his jacket. "I'm goin' for a walk. Later."

Once he was gone, Fiona put aside her sewing and stood up. Melody went back to her book, but she was unsurprised to hear Fiona speaking behind her a few moments later. "You know, I have more than half a mind to tell Pad what you did."

"What are you talking about?" she said, flashing her best Bambi eyes.

"Spiders don't drool, especially not slime. Besides, I think I'd know about it if Pad had any pets."

Not having expected to fool her, Melody smiled and opened a drawer of her desk to reveal Rufus disintegrating into smoke. "The spell's called Power of Suggestion. It's pretty cool. Just a shame that you can't use it in battle. Bad guys are too involved in fighting you to pay attention to anything you say." She closed the door and shrugged. "If you really want to tell him, go ahead. I'll find another way to break them up. For good."

"Look, if you want Pad to go out with you instead of other girls -"

"I _don't._ I won't stop him from going out with nice girls if he wants to."

Fiona sighed. "You're not being fair to Amber. She's not usually bad-tempered like that. If you think about it, she wouldn't have picked up on the way he talks about you unless she really cared about him. And after all, can't you imagine how it makes her feel when the guy she likes can't stop talking about this other girl?"

"It doesn't matter." Melody folded her arms. "Even if she were on her best behavior all the time, she's just not the right sort of girl for Pad. She's frail, vain, and most of all, she's bossy. Pad's a free spirit; he can't have someone bossing him around all the time."

Fiona flashed one of her most infuriating smiles. "Melody, don't you think you're just a little bit bossy yourself?"

"Yes." She turned back to her book. All emotional strength had drained out of her voice. "That's one of the reasons why I'm not the right sort of girl for him, either."

"Melody..."

"Anyway!" she chirped, flipping through a few pages. "Now that that's over, maybe I can finish what I was reading."

Fiona pressed on, "I think you and Pad would be good for each other."

"Yeah, well, you're wrong. Now lemmee do my readin'."

She heard nothing from Fiona after that. A minute or so later, she glanced behind her and saw that she had returned to her sewing. Shortly after that, she heard her get up and murmur something about bringing the jacket back to Eddie.

After a few minutes to herself, Melody's glance fell upon the ribbon Pad had thrown on her desk. She paid it no heed, resuming her reading. But her glance fell on it a second time, and this time she continued to look at it thoughtfully. At last, with a shrug and the trace of a smile turning up a corner of her mouth, she picked it up and tied it around one of her many loose locks of hair.

Without bothering to check how it looked, Melody again went back to her book.


	9. Tale Number Eight: Fig Leaves

- Tale Number Eight: Fig Leaves -

Pad and Melody sat on opposite sides of the bookshelf, saying nothing, their backs propped against navigation guides, arcane texts, and adventuring journals. They occasionally shivered from the chill, as the clothes which ought to have been keeping them warm were strewn across the room.

It was Melody who broke the awkward silence. "How the #$%& did this happen?!"

"Um," Pad muttered. "I dunno."

Of course, he remembered the events leading up to their disrobement, but it was true that he didn't really understand the cause behind them. He'd been heading to the storeroom to clean his gun and spotted Melody sitting on the floor, doodling on a pad. When he'd peeked at what she was drawing and made some snide remark at her efforts, she got angry and accused him of never doing anything to relax, an accusation only helped by his current gun-cleaning errand. They started arguing, and the next thing he knew, they were kissing.

It shouldn't have gone any further than that. Melody really turned him on, but not because of her looks. Pad sometimes saw her as pretty, but if he thought about it, he knew that she wasn't really. It was the way she acted which made her so sexy. That, and of the admittedly few girls he'd kissed, she was by far the best kisser. He really shouldn't have felt the need to do anything more than kissing. But for some reason, in the midst of their embrace, he found that he hated Melody's clothes, and started pulling them off. It was hard to explain, but somehow he felt like they were keeping him away from her, like he couldn't reach her, couldn't really get to know her, because they were there. It wasn't lust... Passion, maybe, the sheer heat of the moment, at least in part, but there wasn't anything of lust in it. After all, if it was lust, he wouldn't have stopped short the moment he'd managed to get her naked. He hadn't even _tried_ to touch her - well, except for her arms, her waist, and her hair. But those didn't count.

"Is that all you can say?" Melody snapped.

"Look, ya don't need to freak out. I didn't even see nothin'."

"What do you mean, you didn't see anything?!"

"Well, nothin' below the stomach. I wasn't really thinkin' when I... ya know... but I didn't look you up, honest."

There was a silence. Then Melody said, with sudden realization, "'Nothing below the stomach'? You mean you saw my _boobs!?_"

Not really. Of course it was impossible for him to have kept her torso area from falling into his peripheral vision, but there'd only been split-second images before they both fled to opposite sides of the bookshelf, all of them blurred by the frenzy with which he'd disrobed her, and none that would stay distinct in his mind. If anyone had asked him to describe Melody's bosom, he would have been at a loss.

But he didn't tell her that. Instead he just snorted, "What boobs?" Melody growled in response, and he went on, "Anyway, I'm the one who should be complainin', after ya got a look at my Johnny."

"Your _what?_"

"...You know."

Another silence. "I did _not_ get a look at it. I'm not some shameless sneak-peeker, and I would never -"

"So we got nothin' ta be upset about, right?"

"_We just stripped each other naked for no damn reason!_" she almost shrieked, making Pad flinch for fear that Eddie or Fiona might hear. "And I'll have you know that I do have nice, developed, womanly breasts!"

"Sure ya do."

"You're just jealous because you don't get to touch them," she humphed.

"I could dart around this bookshelf and touch 'em right now if I wanted. Or if ya had 'em," he added hastily.

"If you do, I'll burn all the skin off your body with one spell!"

"I was just sayin'. Jeez, you're such a spaz."

There was another short silence. It occurred to Pad that they probably should start getting dressed. It was unlikely that Eddie or Fiona would happen to come down this way anytime soon, but all the same, there was no sense in remaining in their current questionable state. And his underwear and pants were just a little more than an arm's reach away. Yet he felt no desire to retrieve them, and even less to suggest that Melody put on her own clothes.

Once again, Melody was the one to break the silence. This time she sounded not angry or frustrated, but nervous. "What if... this happens again?"

"Whaddaya mean?"

"We have no control over ourselves, Pad! What if the next time we're arguing, we just strip each other again and then... and then start doing the nasty right there?"

"Jeez louise, why do ya keep on saying this crazy stuff?" he snapped. "That ain't never gonna happen in a million years! I'd never do that with ya unless ya said ya had feelings for me. And I'd make sure ya wanted ta do it, too."

"But how do you know?"

"Look, I know myself, all right? I know that I respect you, and yeah, maybe I did kiss ya and take yer clothes off without thinkin' about how you'd feel afterwards, but I'd never do somethin' like _that_ if I wasn't sure ya'd be good with it! Okay?"

"...Oh." She sounded shocked into silence, and Pad didn't blame her. He could scarcely believe he'd just said all that himself. It wasn't like he'd told her how he felt about her, but it was in his voice; it said just how much the very idea of hurting her repulsed him. And he definitely shouldn't have told her that he respected her.

Still, so long as she was off-guard, this was a good time to ask her... "Hey," he said. "Why'd ya get so upset when you found out how your mum died, anyway?"

"Are you mental?" she spat.

"I mean," he said, scratching the back of his head, "...it's not like ya didn't know she was dead. She died years ago... about as long ago as my dad died, and I hardly even remember him. So what's got ya so upset abou-"

"Because she died protecting me, butthead!" Melody screamed, and Pad thought he could hear the beginnings of tears in the exclamation. He became sure of it as she continued, "If it weren't for me, she'd still be alive! And what've I done with the life she died for, huh? Spent half my time with my books and machines and the other half acting like a selfish brat! The elder taught me how to be a good girl, but all I've done is the opposite! I always thought, so what?, it's my life and I'll do whatever I want with it! But now..." A sob burst out of her, so big that Pad knew she had to have been holding it in for a while. "She shouldn't have protected me! Everyone would be better off if I were dead and she were alive!"

"H-hey! Ya can't just say stuff like that!" Pad burst out. "We need you!"

"Aw, are you afraid the big bad monsters will eat you without my magic to protect you?" she mocked.

"That ain't what I meant! We need yer passion and yer craziness. We need ya ta be there for us, and keep our spirits up, and..." _Jeezus, I sound like the world's biggest lame-o._ "...Um... Damn it, yer just special, all right? Yer the only one Fiona can talk girl-to-girl with..." _Man, that is just _weak._ There are what, only ten thousand or so other girls in the world?_ "Look, I can't put it into words, but we need ya! ...I don't want ya to die!"

A fresh silence fell. "What... What did you say?"

_Aw, damn._ Still, he pressed on, "I said I don't want ya to die. I want ya ta always be here with us."

"Even when insane stuff like this happens?"

"Hey, I'm _glad_ this happened! If we hadn't 'a done this, you'd never 'ave told me how ya felt about yer mom, and I'd never 'ave told ya that I care about you! Sometimes it's only when crazy things happen that we find out what our feelin's are."

"You... care about me?"

"Well, yeah." Why had he always thought it would be so hard to say that? It was easy. "So stop that talk about being dead, okay? Yer mom thought ya were worth giving her life for, and I think she was right, so ya should just be happy that yer alive."

"Y-yeah! Yeah, you're right for once! My mom gave me life, and I'm not gonna be ungrateful for it! Thanks, Pad! Oh, and, um..." Her voice dropped a notch. "Thanks for caring about me, too. That... makes me glad." She let out a breath. "Now, where are my panties?"

"Oh. Ya... ya wanna get dressed?"

"Duh! I'm not gonna lounge around naked all day! That's not what my mom died for! Now, if I can just find where we tossed them..."

Pad fidgeted. "Um... they're... they're over here. On my side of the bookshelf."

"Well, toss them over here!"

"Uh... sure," he said, wincing. _Is she serious?_ Still, it wasn't as though he had much choice, so he reached over and gingerly grasped the waistband of Melody's underwear between his thumb and forefinger. _Oh crap, this was just wrapped around her... no no no can't think about that!_ He closed his eyes, swallowed, and flung them over to Melody's side.

"Hey! You could've handed it to me! Now I have to get up and -"

"Okay, I'm sorry! I just didn't want ta be holding your underwear, okay? Do ya always have ta yell at me like I've ruined your whole life?" After he'd said this, he felt it sounded too harsh, so he added more quietly, "I'm really sorry."

"...Um..." This brief vocalization sounded oddly penitent. "Well, thanks for passing them over." There was the sound of her moving around; Pad guessed she was retrieving her panties, and/or putting them on. It was funny to think that she did this every time she took a bath... though that wasn't often, now that he thought about it. Melody's cheeks were often rosied up with faint dirt smudges. In his mind, this just made her look even more adorable than usual.

His thoughts ran back to what she'd said about it being better if she were dead. Just the memory of the words hurt him, made him feel angry and sad. More than anything, he wanted to take Melody in his arms and hold her until all her pain and self-hatred were gone.

Maybe... maybe it wasn't impossible for that to happen. He'd told her that he cared... Maybe she would be able to open up to him now, like she just had. And maybe then, he could talk to her and make her feel better. He wasn't much good at that sort of thing, but he could at least try.

It suddenly occurred to him that Melody was probably getting close to fully dressed by this point, while he was still buck naked and thus in an obviously vulnerable position. He snatched up his underwear and began yanking it up his legs. Within a few seconds he was cursing at his pants as he struggled to pull them on.

He was so sure that Melody was going to finish dressing before him that as soon as he got his last article of clothing on, he got up and headed back to where he was going before he'd bumped into her.

"Hey!" Melody shrieked, jerking her skirt down. "What the heck do you think you're doing?"

Looking her over, Pad realized that while she had gotten most of her clothes back on, she was still pulling her stockings on. As misfortune would have it, he'd come around to her side of the bookshelf right as she got the first one up to her thigh. He really hadn't meant to catch her like that, but despite himself, Pad snickered. "Hey, it ain't like I haven't seen yer panties before. Ya can't even say that I din't see that particular pair before."

She flushed deep red. "That doesn't mean you can peek at my underthings whenever you want! Besides, that's not the same thing at all!"

"Yeah? How's it different?"

"Looking at a piece of underwear and looking at _me in_ that underwear aren't even remotely the same thing!"

That was true. And though he hadn't really gotten a look at her before she pulled her skirt down, he didn't have the ammunition to argue that point. "Okay, okay. Sorry," he muttered, and headed off once more.

But Melody was having none of that. "You _should_ be sorry, you insensitive creep! I should have never told someone like you that stuff about my mother!"

"What?! All I did was accidentally get a look up yer skirt - and I apologized! How does that make me insensitive, huh?"

"Hel-lo? You were just making cracks about my underwear, remember? And if you weren't so insensitive, you'd have been careful not to look at me while I'm getting dressed! I'll bet if I had nice legs, big boobs, and a tiny brain like all your girlfriends, you'd treat me with more respect!"

Pad gaped at her for a moment. "You -" But he turned away from her and walked off, steaming with rage. "Forget it. I don't need to listen to yer nuttiness."

Part of him still felt a bit bad about some of the things he'd just said. More than that, though, he was angry; she'd insulted not just him, but the girls he'd dated, and they definitely didn't deserve that. And strangely, a part of him felt relieved, too. Relieved that at the least, Melody hadn't said anything about him saying that he cared about her. Right now, he felt there could be nothing worse than having to talk about that.

* * *

><p>"At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves." - Genesis 3:7, New Living Translation<p> 


	10. Tale Number Nine: Parental Advice

Author's Notes: Happy Valentine's Day! Well, it seemed appropriate to celebrate the day with the long-awaited ninth tale in this series. Moreover, given that my inspiration hasn't been nearly as focused on this series lately, this seems like the right time to tell the last two story ideas I had on tap and mark it as "Complete". I'm not completely ruling out the possibility of more stories in this series beyond these two, but I definitely can't promise any more. On a final note, much like Tales Number Four and Five, these two tales (Nine and Ten) can be regarded as a two-parter of sorts. So enjoy this story, and stay tuned for the conclusion in one month (that's right, Pi Day!).

- Tale Number Nine: Parental Advice -

"Well, it was nice of you to take me along," Elizabeth said. "I don't get out about town much anymore."

"Yeah..." said Pad. "But the thing is, I..." _Damn. Just say it. She's your mom, right?_ "...I wanted ta ask ya about something."

"Oh?" She looked very interested.

"It's..." He scratched the back of his head. "It's about this girl..."

She sighed. "Oh, my little boy is growing up..." Then she caught herself, putting a hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry. Go on."

He still hesitated, but only for a moment. "Well, it's just... I really like her. She's so sweet, and pretty, and selfless and gentle and... Aw, heck, what am I sayin'?!" He threw his hands up in the air. "She isn't any o' those things! It's just... She's not like any other girl I've met."

"That's nice."

_Man, what a weak thing to say,_ Pad realized. _Fiona isn't like any other girl I've met either!_ "What I mean is, she's got a big heart. She cares about people more than anyone, she gets angrier than anyone, and she hurts more than anyone, no matter how tough she tries ta act. Sometimes I just... I just wanna hold her an' tell her everything's all right."

"Pad..." His mother hesitated, then extended a trembling hand to his chin. "Those are perfectly good feelings to have about a girl. Why do you make it sound like there's a problem?"

He jerked his chin out of his mother's grasp and sighed. "'Cause there is."

* * *

><p>"The problem is..." Melody waved her hands about a foot and a half to either side of her head in hopelessly vague gestures. "The problem is, everything about the two of us together is <em>wrong<em>, but I _still_ want him! It's crazy!"

Melody paused.

"Wrong how?" she said. "Well, for starters, we argue all the time. We've hardly had any conversations that weren't arguing! And half the time - this is really messed up - half the time we end up making out afterwards." Pause. "No, I said making _out_, not making _up_. Yeah, I know -"

She froze for a moment.

Then she fell to her knees before her mother's grave. "Oh... mom. You're right," she sniffed, tears threatening to come down her cheeks. "It's very bad of me to act like that. And I haven't told you the worst part yet. One time, we... we took all our clothes off." She hid her face behind her arm and sniffled loudly. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do it! Just the thought of how close I came to doing that before I got married makes me sick!"

Suddenly she looked up in anger. "No, mom! You can't blame Pad! He didn't touch me anywhere he shouldn't have, and he... he even promised me that he wouldn't ever do that to me because he has too much respect for me. He cares about my feelings, and he's always nice to me, and..." She sniffed and stared at the ground. "...and I'm always mean to him. I insult him, I slap him, and I take advantage of him, and I know I'm being horrible, but I just can't stop!"

* * *

><p>"I mean, really, she just won't stop!" Pad exclaimed, shaking his head. "She's always either mad at me, or makin' fun o' me, or treatin' me like a doormat. I guess sometimes it's my own fault, but... I want her ta feel for me the same kind o' way I feel for her, and most of the time it doesn't seem like she does."<p>

"Oh, Pad." His mother looked at him sadly. "You shouldn't pursue a girl who treats you like that."

"Huh? Oh, well, it's..." Pad fumbled. He didn't think it would be a good idea to tell his mom that sometimes he actually _liked_ it when the girl he was interested in yelled at him. He liked knowing that Melody wouldn't lie just to make him feel better, and he liked that he didn't have to watch what he said around her, either. But no, telling his mother that having his face slapped and insults screamed in his face was his idea of a turn-on was not a good idea. "...it's my own fault a lot of the time, really. I lose my temper too easily, and I say things I don't mean. And it just ain't right. I want us ta be happy when we're together, but..." He held his hands far out to the sides. "...we're not."

"Well." She nodded. "A date is usually a good place to start."

"Yeah, you'd think," Pad sighed. "But she kept turnin' me down. I couldn't even call it a date or anythin' like that, because that would scare her off. I finally got her ta do somethin' with just the two of us, but... I dunno."

"You didn't have a good time?"

"No, it was great. But I think she's still scared. ...Well, I mean, Melody ain't scared of anything, but it's like... She's not sure wants ta be around me like that or not. And I'm not sure either! Sometimes I think that she _must_ like me, or she wouldn't... but then, she gets all mad at me and I just don't..."

"Pad." She waited for him to look at her before going on. "Why don't you just tell her how you feel?"

* * *

><p>"I'm not sure how he feels about me," Melody said, looking earthward and twisting her right index finger with her left hand. "But he treats me like a woman. No boy's done that before, ever. Even Eddie... he acts as if I were a guy in a dress. None of them think my feelings might get hurt, or that I might want a hand up when I fall down, or... or that I might be good for anything but fixing engines. Okay, so I love machines and working on them! Does that mean I can't be a girl too?!"<p>

She shook her fists at the sky in momentary frustration at the male populace. Then, realizing that she'd wandered off the subject, she went limp again. "It's not as if Pad is a perfect gentleman - or even an imperfect gentleman. He's really rude a lot of the time. But he _respects_ me, and he treats me nice. I think maybe he even likes me. But things are wrong between us, and I'm not good for him, anyway. It's like, I know we have to stop this, but... I don't know how."

Melody sighed. "Mom... what should I do?"

* * *

><p>"You should tell her," Elizabeth said and, as Pad opened his mouth to voice an objection, added, "If you don't tell her, she'll never know. Your behavior can always have more than one interpretation, and if you don't say something, she'll always assume that you act that way for some other reason."<p>

"But if I tell her, she might not believe me," Pad protested.

"She'll have to. You wouldn't tell her things like that if it weren't true. She'll believe you, especially if she has the same sorts of feelings for you."

"But I dunno for sure if she does!"

"Oh, Pad," she sighed, and clasped him in an embrace, against which Pad squirmed uncomfortably. Hugs weren't his thing, especially coming from a mother he was just getting to know. "Are you really so unsure of yourself as that? Besides, what's the worst she can do to you?"

Pad pulled away. "Hey... yeah. You're right." His face lit up and he pumped his fist, the words gushing free now, "I care about her, and if she doesn't feel for me, that's nothin' I can't handle! I want her ta know, and maybe it'll make things better between us. It's what I gotta do."

"So, you're going to tell her as soon as you get back?"

"Yeah." He turned and gave Elizabeth a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for the advice, mum."

* * *

><p>"Thanks, mom," Melody said, rubbing a tear out of her eye. "You're right. You're absolutely right. I'll go do it right now."<p>

She turned and headed back to the Maverick. The others were all still out on their errands, or whatever. Good.

Melody went into Eddie's room, rooted through is desk for some paper, and sat down to write. She took only a moment of consideration, and then scribbled out a note in less than a minute. Best for it to be short and to the point.

That done, she went to the ship's storage space and began packing things into a large brown sack. First she laid in her two spare dresses, then a couple of potions she'd been preparing on top of that. Then on went her stockings, her underwear, a few specimen jars, a light shirt, the few tools she had which couldn't easily be replaced, and her best spellbooks. She took a bit of rope to knot the top closed.

With a grunt, she hefted the whole thing up on her shoulder and walked back upstairs. On the way she stopped by the party vault to take out her share of the money. Then she stomped back down the gangplank, off the ship. She paused a moment, looked around, and then settled on a direction.

_This is the right thing to do... for everyone,_ Melody reflected. _Eddie won't have to worry about me anymore, or get all flustered because he doesn't understand me. Fiona will be able to stand on her own now, without me being a crutch. Not to mention a bad influence. And Pad..._ She sighed for a moment, but not in regret - in fond remembrance. Then she smiled with pride. _Pad won't have me to abuse him anymore. As for me, mom was right. I've been a bad girl, and I don't deserve to be with them. Plus, now Pad and I won't be stuck in this old messed-up relationship anymore. It's hard to say goodbye, but... It's the best solution._

She kept on walking. Soon, she wouldn't even remember why she had joined up with them all in the first place.


	11. Tale Number Ten: Pursuit

Author's notes: Welcome to what will in all probability be the final tale in this series, right on schedule. I barely made it in time, and these past two days I was writing up a storm, producing a third of the story. It's wonderful how an impending deadline can inspire one's best writing, and I'm pleasantly surprised at how good this tale turned out, if I do say so myself. That said, in general my Nostalgia writing skills have dulled over the past year, and I've been having problems remembering details of the game world. So it does seem like now is a good time to take an indefinite hiatus from writing for this particular fandom. Thanks to everyone who's been reading this fic, and most especially those who have reviewed. Enjoy this climactic tale!

- Tale Number Ten: Pursuit -

"It's just not like her," Eddie said, folding his arms. His brow was heavy with worry. But at least he'd stopped his pacing around the room, for the moment.

"It's _exactly_ like her!" Pad returned, with a shrug that was both dismissive and somehow frustrated. "She always does her own thing and never gives a damn about what other people feel about it. She was like that the day we met her, an' she's never been any different since!"

"No. She isn't like that anymore." Eddie's posture and gaze hadn't even flinched. "I don't think she ever was, really... It's just that before we came along, she didn't have any friends that she could care about. If she wanted to stay here longer, she'd have come back and let us know. Something's wrong."

"I'm telling ya, this is nothin'! She prob'ly just found some specimen to catch or something."

"That wouldn't take her this long."

"Yeah, but by the time she caught it she probably saw something else ta do."

"That's not true. Melody may be a bit odd, but she's not easily sidetracked."

"Sez you!"

"Excuse me." Fiona stepped into the room and held out a piece of paper. "While you boys were standing around arguing, I found this in Melody's room. Take a look at it, Eddie."

Eddie took the paper from Fiona and read over it. "Oh..." he said, his face suddenly sad.

"Hey, lemme see that!" Pad snatched it from him and read. It was a short note:

"It was fun hanging out with you losers for a while, but you don't need me any more, the Ancient Father's Cabal is all taken care of, and frankly, I've gotten a bit tired of having to drag you guys around with me every time I go on an adventure. So I'm off to doing my own thing now, and you guys can keep doing your thing. You'll probably find you have more fun without me. Anyway, this is goodbye.

love,

Melody"

Pad was still staring at the note when Eddie cleared his throat and managed, "I guess she didn't want to say goodbye in person because she was afraid we'd argue with her not to go... I know I would have. I guess we have to respect her decision on that, since the note doesn't say where we might find her." He sighed. "I guess that much _is_ typical of Melody... she doesn't like to follow social norms."

"What are ya talking about?" Pad burst out, waving the note at Eddie. "Ya don't actually believe this is real, do ya? Someone's got ta have kidnapped her!"

Eddie shook his head. "The note's in Melody's handwriting, Pad. Don't you recognize it?"

Pad's face went red. "Well, uh, how am I supposed ta know her handwriting?"

"Well, first of all, she makes her 'a's kind of flattened, with a loop that's -"

"Anyway!" Pad interrupted. "That just means whoever kidnapped her musta forced her to write the note!"

"Pad..." Fiona said softly, laying a hand on his shoulder. He jerked it off.

"Think about it, Pad," Eddie said. "If someone forced her to write the note, Melody would have put something in there to clue us in that she's in trouble... Some phrase she'd never use, or something."

"But she did! Lookit how she signed it: 'Love'. Now since when has Melody ever said she loved us, huh?"

"Oh, Pad," Fiona sighed. "It's just a traditional signature. How else would she have signed it?"

"Well, the whole thing's fishy anyway. Besides, even if ya think maybe I'm wrong, can ya really take that chance? With Melody's life?"

"But why would anyone kidnap her anyway, Pad?" Eddie pointed out. "If it were a ransom they wouldn't have tried to hide it. And nobody has a grudge against her that bad, right?"

Pad turned and strutted out of the room.

"H-hey! Wait a second!" Eddie ran up and caught Pad by the shoulder.

"Look!" Pad snapped. "You can make whatever excuses you like, but I'm going to find her! Are you with me or not?"

"That's not a great idea. If Melody didn't even want to say goodbye to us in person, she might get really mad at us for chasing after her."

"Then again..." Fiona said mysteriously. "...it might be exactly what she wants..."

"I don't care what she wants," Pad shot back. "She might be in trouble, and I'm not gonna just sit here while... while some blackguard does whatever ta her. I'm goin'."

"Okay," Eddie sighed. "Then I guess we're going with you. Right, Fiona?"

She nodded. "Now that Melody's gone, it's more important than ever that we stick together."

"Well, yeah. But we support Pad anyway, don't we?"

Fiona's mouth quirked. "This is more than just supporting him."

"Huh. Uh, thanks," Pad said awkwardly. Truth be told, he had been sort of looking forward to going after Melody on his own. Still, there was at least one advantage to having Eddie on board. "Um. So where do we start looking?"

Eddie held up his middle and index fingers. "There are two logical places. One, Merveille Village. It's too obvious, since that's where we left her, but Melody isn't necessarily trying to be clever about leaving us behind. Two, the airship port. If she was kidnapped they'll be wanting to leave as fast as possible, and it isn't Melody's style to do traveling the hard way. Besides, there aren't many places you can travel to from Merveille if you stay earthbound. I'm sure somebody at the port could tell us where she hitched a ride to. Melody already has a lead on us, so we should split up to cover both possibilities. You two search out Merveille; stick close to each other in case there's trouble. I'll investigate the airship port."

* * *

><p>"You really shouldn't be going through her things," Fiona protested as Pad jerked open drawers in Melody's old house.<p>

"Look, we already looked and asked around all over town, and we couldn't find nothin'. Unless Eddie turns up somethin', this is the last way we have left ta find her."

"Is that really it?" Fiona said, her voice sharp and remonstrating. "Or are you just venting your anger at her?"

"I ain't angry with her!" he snapped, pulling books off a shelf and dumping each on the floor as soon as he'd glanced at its cover. "She's in trouble and we gotta find her fast!"

"She's not in trouble. She just decided to leave us, that's all."

"Shut up, willya?" He looked around the room in all directions. "Geez, is that it? There's hardly anything left in here."

"She probably brought any items that were important to her onto the Maverick. There was nothing left for her here after the elder died, after all. Just like with you and me." Fiona sighed. "I wish we all could have homes of our own to go back to, like Eddie does."

"Yeah, yeah... sucks to be us," Pad said, rolling his eyes. "Let's go meet up with Eddie. Hopefully he found somethin'."

* * *

><p>They met with Eddie at the Maverick II. He looked cheerful.<p>

"We're in luck," he said. "Someone saw her rent a spot on a small passenger craft. So that means we can rule out the kidnapping theory and be on our way."

"Not so fast," Pad said, catching him by the arm. "Um. ...Even if she hasn't been kidnapped, there's still somethin' fishy about this. Why wouldn't she just buy her own ship? Ya can get a single-person craft for small change."

"A one-way ticket on a passenger ship is still cheaper."

"Yeah, but would Melody really be pinching pennies like that? It sounds like someone's coercing her ta go somewhere... that's why she couldn't tell us."

Fiona spoke up, "Pad, I think you need to -"

"Okay," Eddie interrupted. "Okay. It doesn't sound likely, Pad, but your theory makes at least a little sense. We might as well follow Melody to the end of the trail."

"So ya found out where the ship was headed?"

He nodded. "Uh huh. In fact, if we hurry, I bet we can intercept it."

* * *

><p>A few hours later the Maverick II sailed into Lisbon's harbor. It was an old port, built more for aquatic craft than airships, though the beginnings of modernization were in place. A tower was built upon the docks, at the top of which was perched a docking area for airships. Looking over the airships docked there, they spotted one which matched the description. Eddie beamed.<p>

"See? I knew they'd stop here to resupply. Now we can -" Before he could finish that thought, a small figure came scampering up the tower steps. "Hey, is that...?

"Definitely!" Pad said. "That's Melody! Why's she in such a hurry?"

As they stared in bewilderment, Eddie still absentmindedly steering the Maverick II towards a free docking area, Melody ran to the ship she'd come there on, dove in, and began frantically sawing at the anchoring line with a knife. Pad's eyes widened even further. "Oh, no way. Not even she would..."

A sailor came up from the lower decks of the passenger ship and yelled something at Melody. While still sawing away with one hand, she snatched out her wand and fired an Aeria spell at him, lifting him off the deck and sending him flying onto the docks, where he landed on his hindquarters. By the time he got to his feet, Melody had cut through the rope and was sailing the ship free of the dock.

"Oh no. Oh no."

"What is it?" Eddie asked. "We're too close now for me to see what's going on without leaving the controls."

"She's stealing the ship she rode in on!" Fiona exclaimed.

"Correction," Pad said. "She's stolen it. She's only got a lead of a couple hundred meters, though. We can catch her, right, Eddie?"

"You bet we can!" Eddie gushed. Then, belatedly realizing just what was going on, he stammered, "Um... But what're we gonna do when we catch up to her? I mean, she's probably spotted us by now..."

"Of course she's spotted us! That's why she's makin' a run fer it!"

"Okay. So if she knows we're here but she's still absconding with that ship, she's probably not going to listen to us when we tell her to take it back. So what do we do?"

"Don't got much choice, do we? We have ta hop on board, knock her out, and bring her back!"

Fiona shook her head. "You can do that part by yourself, Pad. Eddie needs to steer the ship, and I'm not performing acrobatics at several hundred meters up."

"Yeah fine, whatever," Pad said, leaning over the rail, his eyes following Melody's ship. "Just get me within jumping range, okay Eddie?"

Eddie assented, and pushed the Maverick II's engines as close to full power as they could safely go. Within moments, they were pulling up alongside their quarry. Suddenly, an explosion shook the Maverick.

"The heck?! She's firing on us!" Pad shouted.

"Damn! Fiona, put a shield up around us!" Eddie ordered. "Pad, I'm bringing the Maverick as close as I possibly can without ramming her. It's now or never!"

Pad nodded, and stepped up onto the bulwark. The passenger ship was a good 20 feet below him, but it was as directly below as one could ask for. With the bravado of desperation, he jumped.

Melody's gaze was fixed on the Maverick II's hull as she readied another spell to fire at it. Thus, she missed Pad's leap, and did not notice him until his hands landed on her shoulders. She fell to the deck of the ship with a loud crash and a louder yelp. When she reopened her eyes, she saw Pad squatting on top of her pelvis while his hands held her wrists firmly against the deck.

"Get off of me, you fat lard!" she shrieked.

He lowered his face until they were almost touching noses. "Not until I know what the heck's goin' on and why ya left us!"

"Didn't you read the note I left, dummy? I'm sick of you guys and I want to be left alone!"

"That ain't true! I want ya ta be with us, and I know you feel the same!"

"Oh, quit dreaming!"

"Yeah? Yeah?! I'll prove it!" Before she could guess what that might mean, his lips were on hers.

Pad had forgotten two very important things. First, Melody Farklight was the descendent of a long line of magic users, and had spent much of her young life practicing her inherit abilities. Moreover, her strong emotional fiber had already proved capable of letting her, on occasion, tap into abilities that even she didn't know she had. In short, Melody Farklight was quite possibly the most powerful witch alive. And while anger was for her a common and fairly harmless mood, making her genuinely furious was one of the most dangerous things you could ever do.

Second, while he _was_ holding her hands down, Melody still had her wand securely clasped in one of those hands.

Melody's face went beet red with fury and indignation. She head-butted Pad in the forehead, breaking their kiss, if not his grip on her hands. Then she twirled her wand between her fingers, screaming the words of an arcane incantation. Gale-force winds swirled about them, shoving Pad off of her, and off of the ship. On blind instinct, he reached out and grabbed hold of the bulwark with one hand. The spell winds were still so strong that it felt as though holding on was pulling the muscles in his arm apart.

"Damn," he grunted. "I really know how ta put myself in a dangerous situation."

"Pad!" he heard Fiona cry out above him. "Melody, you've got to help him!"

"I know, I know!" Melody shouted to Fiona. Then to him, "Why the heck did you do that, you stupid jerk?!"

"Me?!" he exclaimed as she grabbed hold of his arm to pull him up. "That was _your_ spell which almost knocked me inta oblivion!"

"You shouldn't have kissed me!"

"You kissed me back! Don't lie, I felt it! That's what got ya so angry!"

"Nnnnnyyyghhh!" she grunted, reaching out to grab hold of the shoulder of his jacket. "Don't you see that this is why it's all wrong for me to be with you? I just keep on doing bad things to you!"

"Like nearly gettin' me killed? That's something that ya never woulda done if ya hadn't run away from us! Everyone was fine and happy before that!"

Melody strained and groaned. "I can't pull you up... You're..."

"Too heavy?" Pad sneered.

"Shut up! Can't you even understand how bad I feel about myself every time I do anything like... anytime I do anything with you!"

"So ya got guilt issues! Big deal! Woulda been nice if we coulda just talked 'em out instead of you runnin' out and making _me_ be the one who feels horrible! Yer problem is ya just don't think about other people's feelings before ya act!"

"Well, I was _trying_ to do better! I -"

This time they had both forgotten something very important: no one was at the ship's controls. Left to drift, it had been tilting at an angle and slowly but surely descending to the ocean below. Eddie and Fiona had been calling out warnings, but at that distance they could not be heard over the sounds of Melody and Pad's argument. At last, that argument was broken by a tremendous splash as the ship hit the water on the side opposite the two struggling adventurers.

The force of the impact hit their arms first. They cursed in unison at the shock and pain, and their grip was broken. Pad fell, and as the ship righted itself in the water, its hull cracked against his skull, shoving him under the water.

Melody, meanwhile, tumbled across the deck and fell off the other side. Her fall plunged her under water. She'd been too surprised to hold her breath before going under, so once she'd swum back to the surface, her first act was to retch out a mouthful of seawater and gasp for breath. Only once that was done could she turn her attention to calling for Pad.

There was no answer.

She swam around to the other side of the ship, still calling his name. Before long, she spotted him. He was facedown in the water, and blood was running from the back of his head.

"Pad!" She swam towards him as fast as her limbs could push her through the water. Once she reached his side, she pulled his face out of the ocean and turned him so that the back of his head rested on her left arm. She clutched at his shoulder with her other hand. "Pad, wake up!" Blood dripped from his head, down her arm, onto her hand.

Eddie landed the Maverick II in the water near his companions. Fiona had inflated one of the life rafts, and upon their landing she put it in the water, hopped in, and rowed out to Pad and Melody.

Melody was crying now. "I killed him, Fiona."

"No, you didn't," she said, reaching down to tend to Pad. "He just took a knock on the head."

"I killed him!"

"I've healed his head wound. He'll be fine. I'm sure that when he wakes up he'll just be happy that you're safe and back with us."

"He did all this just because he was worried about me, and I killed him!"

"Melody, come on. Help me get him into the lifeboat, and we'll take him back to the Maverick II."

"I killed him!" she sobbed, her tears now mixing with mucus, as well as the seawater still dripping from her soaked hair. Her whole body shaking with anguish, she buried her wet, tear-streaked face against Pad's vest.

* * *

><p>"<em>My<em> fault?! You're the one who ran off in the first place, all because ya assumed stuff that I was perfectly fine with was makin' me miserable!"

"Yeah, but I wouldn't have even done that if _you_ hadn't -"

Eddie sighed at his companions' bickering. "Let's get out of here, Fiona."

She nodded, smiling, and they left the room where Pad and Melody lay abed. Eddie shut the door behind them.

"I can't believe it," he groaned. "They're arguing worse than ever."

"Well, that's because they're actually talking about their feelings with each other now," Fiona smiled. "I think it's wonderful."

"Wonderful? _Wonderful?!_ Listen to that noise they're making!"

"They're both very passionate people. And they care about each other." She pondered. "In a way, it's like making out, except that the communication is a bit deeper. Maybe the trouble with arguing isn't when people are yelling, but when they aren't listening. Pad and Melody yell at each other a lot, but they're always listening to what the other one is yelling." As Eddie stared at her in disbelief, she giggled. "And isn't it sweet, how they both ended up bedridden? Melody would have been just fine if she'd just changed out of her wet clothes when we asked her to, instead of clinging to Pad like his life depended on it for hours on end."

"Sweet? It's a disaster." Eddie shook his head. "This is hands down the worst adventure we've ever had. The only good thing to come out of all this is that now if Melody ever disappears again without talking to us about it, this time we'll know it really _was_ a kidnapping."

"Yes, I'm sure Melody won't want to repeat the experience of fearing Pad might be dead. But as for the rest of it," - she glanced back at the room where Pad and Melody lay, and smiled again - "...I really think this worked out very well."

Mutely agreeing to disagree on that point, the two of them walked out into the sunset.

END


End file.
